sip sip, and i have a new....?

i made new memories. xmas eve. i made new memories.
i did.


oh yeah, gonna try n make eggnog, i finally have everything i need. oh wait, im missing the victims.hm. by victims i mean connoisseurs. hmm, those wont be hard to find.

its just a matter of hours and theres 365 potential disasters looming. in my line of work make that 6 million, what say miran?

disasters aside, life has been very good lately except at work which has been 'rather mundane'(so british....so brhi-ish). i discovered a bit of peace, somebody made me realise being a monster is not so necessary and most importantly the wall might not actually be as impregnable as i thought.

theres been so much happenin and at the same there isnt much to talk about.

gonna try, this weekend im gonna pick up a book and read. havent done anything of the sort for such a long time. but i will try.

and yeah, f*** off, i am a nerd. head banging nerd.

make or break? make. made.

so i cud let myself out

kickin n screamin, and there never was any reason.

the mirror shrieked.

13 hours of binging. hangover from hell. and smiling.

miss u even when im with u. let urself out. im waiting.

He listens.

we are responsible.

u make me happy, even for a few hours.

hi ho silver away

...The one that carries the worlds tragedies alone...

blood on ur lips......next time, duck - u stupid bastard!

blades that cut are blunt

smile

slit that wrist

piss on that fire

nails that scratch the board

currently 14 shots down and i got to work tomorrow.

the gremlins did it

somebody tell me what the hell is jambi?????

slaughtered

devour

the f***** grass was greener because of the landscape artist

kma

i would wish it all away

62000000

theres no focus here, is there? read between the lines, cuz it so points.


shoon, miran, curly, stinkhead, jujup, ill see u guys on the other side. God bless and hope ur gonn be as drunk as i am breakin in the new year. the last thing i wanna see is the ceiling, lol.

the 2.5 days bombay stood still

when i begun writing this post all i had in mind was what happened to us last week. i had 60 hours in mind. to me that was blood on OUR hands. we all let it happen to us. we cant blame anybody else. because we are complacent. we are easily subdued, we are always looking to please. we want to do what is right in front of the world because we are what we are. because we are a peaceful people. but peaceful people dont have to compromise to fit into a global society. the very same society that treats us like we are a spill over. there is no real reason for tears to fall, the fact is we are just pretense. always lions at home. we will attack our own, kill our own. murder our own for reasons political, for reasons that defy moral thought patterns. but when we are attacked, when we are slaughtered by outsiders, we cry out to the very same we killed(read very carefully and understand).

in a way we deserve what has happened to us. we have provided. the outsiders sought this and we gave into them. we cant ever unite because our puppeteers wont relinquish. we are willing to be brainwashed. we are a SCARED lot, we are. the pillars are but a few. and we will interview their families and write posts on how this has shocked us and disgusted us.

let me make this clear, if the enemy is involved (and there are indications) - we must declare war and FINISH THIS. and if you think violence is not the way, tell this to the families who lost their own.



what follows is what i wanted to post initially.

a couple of evenings back, i was walking around. for once relaxed and not the usual "get-rid-of-the-agitation" walk. and i saw:

(this was in a store) a man clippin his nails and after being politely told by the attendant to not do that, answered back real rude like that he was going to buy the nail clippers.{and and whos gonna buy your nails?}

a lady that definitely had trouble walkin in those stilettos. but she did it anyway. it made her breasts jiggle. i think that was what she wanted. all male attention and female too, but the latter must have looked with a "is she that desperate?" look or perhaps "i wish i could be like that" look.(ok i didnt really look at her boobies that long, i was lookin at the amount of face paint she had)

the man who stands outside his store ogling at most women who pass by. hes got around 60-70 strands of hair on his head and he does the spiky look thing. really. i first noticed him sometime last year.{loser}{still loser}{makes me feel all bright n sunshiny}{loser}

a woman cryin so bitterly. but lady if u had paid a little more attention in holding hands than shopping u may have not lost your kid.

the new sandwich from hardees is really not bad.
she:"ser, we have new sandwich, do you want to try it?"

me:"ok"{still looking for the biggest combo meal i could find}

she:"meal, ser?"

me:"yes please and no ice with the drinks annnnddd extra salt on my fries please"

she:"woujuliike (she said it like it was one word) to try our curly fries?"

me:"how is that different from your regular fries?"

she then proceeds to get me a "sample" of curly fries. and it tastes different. its coated with spices or something of the sort before getting dunked i suppose.

me:"ok, ill have those. how much?"

she:"ser, blah blah KD"

me:"here u go"

she:"ill get it to your table"

me:"ok great. thanks"

she:"this is ALLLL new"

me:{this had better not be stuff that some one didnt eat and u decided to pick from their tray}"huh?"

she:"new ser"

me:"whaa..?"

she:"new meal ser"

me:"oh ok. ill be seated over there"

............
............


and i dont feel much like drinking since i began my mini holiday.
the cold is finally here.

sleep eludes. again.

the minds blank.

repelled by lifes polarity

hangover!!! nice term that.....oh well its the weekend, so its fine. ill recover.


finally got my little project done(but thats only part one of two). it took a while. and tho im not really happy with it, the bosses liked it. congratulations et al. said it will "increase my market value", to which i retorted,"it would be better if i get a salary increase", to which he said,"haha", to which i thought,"i wish i had a gun, haha".



some good things have happened this week. and for some strange reason, i didnt really care about some of them. i mean, yeah, theres relief but....priorities have changed. thats a given. ive understood for some years now that wants are just that, wants. but when a need is fulfilled and the feeling to it is numb, was it really a want all this time? nah, cuz, i analysed, then i dissected, then i put it into a jar and added water and shook it(just to see what would happen), then i took it out and squeezed the excess water out of it, then i left it to dry. conclusion - it was a need and i didnt care.



need a vacation. real soon. so in light of that, have a little break comin my way for a few days. no emails, no phones - just me, my liver, and a whole lotta movies. oh yeah some food too. my only hope is that the temperature drops by another 10 degrees by that time. so love winter. there is something so serene about it. and when its gets cloudy with that cold breeze blowing, yeah.....


whats a jambi?

blue skies, pink champagne, yellow fever, black death......yup the colors of life

hmmmmm, whatta week!!

busy busy busy!!! its hard convincing ops your bonus is on the line as well. look my bonus aint much, i mean i cant buy a car(cash down) or a bike. fine, an xbox is easy but whos gonna buy me that huge screen i want and those speakers?

its been a good two weeks on the personal level. things have looked up and i really like just being. and yes the whole world isnt out to get me, only some part of it is {blech}. guess ill have to use the force and make them stew in their own misgivings(read: monkey puke fermenting turd). hardy har har!

and im now as colorful as a rainbow regurgitating a totally unbalanced meal (read: kinda bright). seeing as i gots me some colored tees. not the usual fare namely black, actual variety - no drak greys even. damn think im turning into some sorta flutterby now(did u know an angry butterfly will chase you for at least a quarter mile). thats not going to stop me from getting a suitcase (i dont own a dresser/cupboard/wardrobe)full of black tees. heck, ive even found a place thats gonna print whatever i want on it. muhahahahaha! er, ahem. yeah. so now i dont have to tell people stuff, ill just point to my tee. being the good boy that i am, i dont intend on printing any obscenities. now that would be just down right, er, obscene(read: they would haul my butt to jail, shave my head)(hmm, i do have a steel cup now, so...). heck i can always mouth off profanity and gesture. i have a bit of know how there(read: i will swear at you till the day u die every chance i get, and yes, even in front of ur kids).

am so looking forward to the new week, for reasons i cannot mention, and work is going to be a challenge absolute (read: its gonna be a bitch).

till whenever.

settlin into life a day at a time

it has been.
pleasant.
and i have enjoyed.
it aint hard as it used to be. used to feel.



i recently got me self a steel mug. the kind one would see in prison movies, the prisoner rattling the thing against the cage. conspire with other prisoners, then beat up some prison guards and set things on fire and start a prison riot. and still hold the mug.

anyways im gonna take it to work (and in all likelihood embarass people who know me). cuz i like the mug and i think its cool. i always wanted one of those. now alls i need to do is ensure the thing gets dented.

yeah, im gonna drink starbucks coffee out of it. im already drinking out of it, but it aint no starbucks(hehehehe). hmmm, starbucks coffee actually sucks. it does. but then i needs me mornin cuppa. and well, we dont have to pay for it. so im cheap. sue me. they do however make a great hot chocolate. and if ur ever in the middle east - seef mall, bahrain makes the best hot chocolate. but the best hot chocolate in bahrain is at the airport, costas know how.

eid is finally here, which means back to full working daze. at least food is now available, so come thursday, i order food from the usual joint. around twelve i will get a call -
moi: hello
the voice: hello, fhoodh is cohme

my usual. lentil soup with irani flat bread and the chefs salad. for the unintiated(cant remember if ive mentioned this before and too lazy to go back to any early post to check) its dal fry with irani kubuz (which is kinda like a tandoori roti, but much bigger). the chefs salad is generally a mish mash of sliced n diced tomatoes, cucumbers, cabbage, carrots and some other green stuff. and im gonna quench my thirst with water, thats in the mug.


as i post this im lookin out the window and the sky is an amazing blue. its still quite warm outside. and im listenin to candlebox.

candlebox - into the sun. get the album. the band are back after ages and have still managed to retain quite a part of that early 90s alternative sound. theyve evolved. yes. but that bluesy feel is still there. nice familiarity goin there. im listening to the album. again. and drinkin out of that mug.

still here

accidents apart, lifes good!!

sunday, returning from work we went from crash, oh shit, everybody ok to it could have been worse. and it could have been.

thats another car crash i have walked away from. hmmm, that makes three.

VIM was upset. his car after all. but look we walked away and thats all that counts. better than getting stretchered away.

there isnt much happening here on account of ramadan. and the weather isnt helping any. having said that, today is better than it has been the last 24 days. the humidity has been constantly exceeding 90% and the heat is still on.

oh yes, thanks to my sister, i realise we are related to 61 people (and growing). its this family tree thing. and it is really quite interesting. i have relatives i had no idea even existed. heck, for the ones that do exist, i had no idea.

boo-yaa.

human relationships are the most diabolical!!

i like the relationship i have with a tv set. i know where im headed. sometimes the batteries of the remote die, but they can easily be replaced. tvs dont misunderstand. they take you for what u r.

tv sets are simple.

we re not.

u kno ur alone......

u know ur alone when
-theres no one else to take the last train home
-the clickin u hear is an echo in the emptiness
-the mirror cracks with no apparent reason
-the coffee machine spits out sludge
-tomorrow is a deadline that will never come
-there is only one trail
-the hollow siezed up
-the salt tasted like a bitter pill
-apathy is ur friend, friend? apathy is u
-the bomb that blew everything up didnt
-ur shadow never existed
-ur heart started beating
-the devil smiles at u and takes ur last glass
-that eight ball stops just before the pocket
-smearing ur face with ashes was tribute to the living
-regurgitating is entertainment
-that blade shined so
-the wall stares back at u
-the theory holds true
-all that blood u see is not urs

grow up sometime

when we were in school we wanted to be doctors, teachers, firemen, astronauts and whatever. i think when i was growing up i just wanted to be. i look back at and realise i didnt have that kind of dream. there was an obvious inclination but no real motive - i wanted to join the air force. later it was to be an architect. but if these are "dreams" that fade quickly then its not what u want/need to be.

what made me gave up my air force pilot dreams? there was a little accident that altered my life completely and i had no intention of ever being part of ground crew. and so there i was a kid, without a dream and i wanted to be just like other kids. and eventually i decided upon architecture(hmmm in retrospect that would have been a scary move. me a designer of machine or structure that could just explode). what made me change my mind? i didnt want to study anymore. or perhaps i realised i wanted to be unlike the others. my identity is the only thing that is mine.

shud i give that up to be part of a cliched bunch? be accepted? flow with the tide? there are times when this thought cannot be silenced. it is hard going against norms. last year a friend said this much "let the storm cease, then swim safely to shore". makes sense. question is if i wait for the storm to cease, will i get comfortable that i let the tide take me wherever? not for long. because whats inside cannot be quelled.

so if ur an outcast, heretic....take heart that u were never to be understood by the masses but by beings who transcend the superficial.

peace.

right now im thinkin, when i grow up i wanna be indiana jones. or the mighty boba fett. or spiderman. or master chief petty pfficer john-117.

sleep eludes. what else is new? ive been putting my liver to the test for nearly two weeks now. and yeah, its worth the trip the mind goes on. i am inspired by things most ordinary and the words that flow are, er, infantile at best. lol. (shoon u read)but in that i suppose there is a certain amount of simplicity. and kids generally speak and see things as they are. i dont wanna grow upppppppppppp! peter pan syndrome here.

got shinedown's latest offering - the sound of madness. now this, lay these gennlemen, is good!!
wrap me in a bolt of lightening
send me on my way still smiling
maybe thats the way i should go
straight into the mouth of the unknown

facebook has really helped. i mean i have been able to locate the long lost and vice versa. and it feels good to hear from people who u think might be dead or abducted by aliens or part of some strange government experiment.




when u know crossroads approach, what are u willing to do to further ur journey?


i know what im gonna do.

18 years and we are where we are not where we could/should have been

18 years.

life changed for us all.

saddam hussein had his lil picnic in kuwait. and he brought with him a lot of toys - them lil tanks, those fighters, guns and a whole lotta people toting those guns.

bastard. dead bastard.

monday nite early this week, the only sober nite.



lolllllllllllllllllll

we loves the desert, yes we does

ok i tried.

but blogger didnt let me post a couple of weeks back.

last week wanted to but didnt really get the chance. last week also saw me get closer to me grave. the day was hectic as usual but the night was exactly as planned and expected. i believe i reached a point when i could actually donate alcohol. and of all the pix taken, none can be proven beyond a doubt that it was me. damn!! tattoo was a giveaway!

made some new friends. this friend making thing aint so bad. what is bad is the weather. it is absolutely killer now. the humidity has decided to make an early entry. its bad enough the 50 degree mark is crossed so consistently, but to add to it??!! labour law stipulates that if the temp touches 50 degrees it is a day off. but strangely enuff, weather reports always only say 48 or 49 degrees. last year when the temp soared to over 55 degrees (and i have proof), ther was the electricity drive thingy. which meant we had to switch off or they shut off for a while. a country this rich and this small has not seen a new power generator built since sometime in the 70s.

meanwhile, new building (skyscrapers to be a little more precise) construction has been going berzerk. now the amount of water used and the electricity is not taken into account. this year its save water. im sorry to say this but expat population is more aware of this than the locals. we were brought up to understand the importance of conserving and saving. it is unfortunate, the local population doesnt see things the same way. not saying theyre all the same. but the ones who know and understand are vastly outnumbered. i guess it is a place for all things to die. it IS a desert after all.

that outta my system, i have been constantly lacing my blood stream with, er, hm, "different water". mostly weekends really. finally found a tattoo artist who can be reached. most leads chased were dead ends. ive seen the guys work and his detailing is fantastic. now alls i need is to finalise what i want permanently etched into my dermis.

right now tho, stoner rock is the only way.

if it doesnt kill you, its only gonna weaken you to kill at a later time

hmm, been a while.

4 weeks.

let see now.....

theres was satan bug attack. which left me down n out.

then there was food poisoning.

then a bit of a head cold.

yup i am definitely jinxed.

we said good bye to a colleague last week.

said hello to another who was back after her 2 month hiatus.

and our department shuts down in a few weeks which means the team is all gone now. as good as anyways. i will coming full circle in a manner of speaking. lookin forward to that. i guess.

last couple of weeks saw me attend social gatherings. somethin i usually avoid. last week i ran into a class mate after 18 years. our conversation began with the usual swearin. somethings never change. lol.
also managed to track another classmate after 21 years. when we were in school we started this newsletter. and the others wud luv readin it. we took it one step further. we made them read using an australian accent. ahhh good times!


crap im gettin oollllllddddd. then last night i met two old friends - vodka and white rum. we partied till the wee hours of dawn. i think i like my life now.

i have been doin strange things of late. i am trying to mix with the human race. clipped my hair very short. almost bald and it was very comfortable. trimmed my chin beard to almost non existence. wearing light colored shirts(at work still remains the same), smile more than 5 times a week. spend around 12 hrs straight watching movies or tv shows. yup, i definitely like my life. for now, that is until something happens and i want to go totally postal on everyone.

so until whenever....i have some web slingin to do.

"fall into sleep...."

you know its one of those days when......when WHAT????

been off this week. got me what i wanted - plenty o' rest. had time to think and rethink. demons can be a very funny thing, they either stay or they stay.

nirvana was over rated.
tool will elevate surrealism to a level most incomprehensible by joe public.
dislike boys bands.
hate britney spears even more.
the loathing i feel for that hilton waste .......!!
poetry is over rated, the true poet will die in obscurity.
the soul is undetermined.
art is almost always lost in comprehension.
there are never enough.
time is warped beyond dimension.
God is disappointed.
the mean old man down the street was abandoned.
the lady next door longs for attention.
whenever i look at you alls i see are two pits that have long lost their drive.
objects in mirrors ARE reflections.
i mirror your persona and be hated for what you see.
when that baby cried, it was only uncomfortable.
so you got lost, guess what? you never got past the starting line.
death staring you straight in the eye wants you to find reason to live.
embrace drugs.embrace alcohol.embrace the devil.now youve got nothing to lose.
she cried because she was trapped in her own misgivings. she didnt kno better. i didnt tell her.
the president is responsible.
my revolution is on its way. am i willing to die for it?
"what makes us behave in this way? dont think just move..."
you looked at him like he was your raison de etre. he saw right thru u. i shud have spoken.
when a person is going to die, pay them that last visit. the guilt goes to ur grave with u.
all your achievements mean squat when ur dead.
the other"so, did you miss me?" me"no, not really"
pessimism is just another term the optimistics like to use when reality gets too hard.
she lied.so did i.
you were most probably raised to believe that one of lifes constitutions was to sleep thru commercials.
distance heals. time prolongs the healing.
life is undervalued.
death is your destiny.
immortality ate thru the rust.
immortality is your 15 minutes.
tomorrow is the end of the world, do what you have to today.

smile and the world thinks you're high on something

you know nature conspires against you when the weekend is constantly plagued with dust/sand storms. why weekends? go figure. bad for business as well. im not a picnic-person but i am a take-a-long-walk person.

anyhoos, was out on thursday night. formal affair it was. and i thought it was going to be a dry weekend. not so. and i slow danced. again. i am so sure that one day i will step on a womans toes and crush them. you see, i cant dance. damn. women take advantage of guys who are inebriated.


it came time to take stock, where we are as opposed to where we were a couple of years ago. some of us have moved ahead. some have remained, sometimes out of lack of any clear direction brought upon not by themselves but rather by guiding force(s). it leaves a bitter taste. there is support for some but none for another when all are deemed equal(??). fuck you! there is no such thing, and to say there exists such a state conceals a very obvious color and gender bias. that one is not ever capable of committing any errors and the blame must always fall on those who do not belong. well then pardon me for not ever wanting to be part of (y)our society.

what is truly sad is that most of "us" want to be part of it - to belong. part of a mass. where you lose your identity and then you want to impose your ideas and ways. look its very simple, since we have free will and freedom to choose, let me choose what i want to do and when i want to do it.




"REBEL SCUM"

4 seasons, nah......make it 6/7 or something like that in one day

the sky is falling!
the sky is falling!!

and it didnt....
but what did happen was niiccccccccccceeeeeeee.

mother nature unleashed a little bit yesterday evening. just a few minutes and damage like nobody's business.

first came the dark clouds. saw that coming.
then came the lightning. ooohhhhh definitely saw THAT!!!
then came the dust. saw that coming.
then came the winds. saw that coming.
then came the absolute sandstorm. couldnt see hand two inches in front of face. didnt see that. couldnt see that.
then the hail. definitely didnt see that coming.
then the flooding of the streets.
all this in 10 minutes.
and then just like that it was over.

headin back to my room and all along the broken path it looked like cluster bomb attack. i made my way to the udupi joint, and i didnt think they were gonna serve food. glass all over the place. well dearies, when there is that kind of pressure build up on the outside, open windows/doors to equalise the pressure on the inside. dont and you will have glass or light walls caving. so dinner at udupi was out of the question.

chinese wok. they looked ok. no damage. so i went and i ate. then the girl tells me the building had a water tank tip over and flood the roof and the stairway. oh well, the noodles were good and nobody got injured or died. then the girl decided she needed someone to talk to. and i listened, but did she have to tell me of all things some females are subjected to and have to do in order to survive? hmmm.

there was the usual debris like antennae, dish antennae, glass, tin roof, cars that had holes punched in them(due to flying metal bits n pieces), cats.....

mother nature. for all her ferocity, so rocks!!

clone encounters for the ra kind

dozed off a couple of times in the workshop/introductory session yesterday at work.

and for the first time ever, i had absolutely nothin, yesssssss, NOTHIN TO DO AT WORK YESTERDAY!!!!!!

my dear colleagues decided to impart(unleash is more the word) all of their infinite wisdom today. was given tips - unanimous it was - as follows:

1)my chin beard must go. so i havent let a razor touch my chin in six years. trimmed the beard regularly.....but its only been 6 years......damn! ok will give it a try. this had better work.

2)must smile(i do smile, on the inside)

3)must get more colors in my wardrode(i think its just about pefect right now. hmmm, do shades of black count?)

4)spike my hair(maybe use it as a puncturing weapon thingie)

5)be optimistic(that i am already. my optimistic nature tells me the glass needs to be filled so that i dont go thirsty. my optimistic and positive nature tells me we're doomed. im positive about that)

6)must buy ferrari(only one? im supposed to impress members of the opposite sex)



on a different note, it does feel nice, if nothing else, that people actually consider your work. they may not say it out loud or seem to not acknowledge, and that can be a real downer, but i reckon if timed is great for the ego and self belief system that most of us rely on. sometimes you have one of those daze and then murphy's laws decide to kick in to add a sore in an already itchy place.

then there are moments like yesterday wherein it makes all the madness worth it. fleeting moment, but worth it nonetheless. i ll take it. just like i ll take that last brownie. mmmmmm. brownie good.

i was gonna but decided against it, so there.

yawn, burp, yawn, scratch male parts, yawn.....

today is the last of a series. a series of days off. been a while coming. and i got to sleep as planned. a lot. back to guantanamo tomorrow.

so i walk in to ye olde donut shoppe and then....i see it. the biggest croissant ever. the mother of all croissants. the girl behind the counter called it a turtle. well then a turtle that looks like a croissant is what i eat. muahahahaha! {ahem}



{i wonder if i can get the whole thing down in one bite.....nah, maybe when i was younger, the good ol daze when we wuz young.}

while i trip on kyuss, i look ahead to face yet another uninspiring week.

woo-hah. im so excited.

in other news, i have actually been asked to write lyrics for two albums. metal/death core even. hmmm. my non-existent writing skills now come to the fore. i have already got two songs down. 36 to go. at least.

MD round the corner. hope i gets me stuff so i can buy.

i shot an arrow into the air
it fell i know exactly where
the childrens' screams
were no mere dreams
with "love" from: the landmines of despair

my name is shimotetokufu katanorimotoarimo / themvstheothers

the other day i called my colleague fat. shes not. in fact shes a poster child for what models look like. that got me thinking.

now im kinda thin. there are times when i get even thinner makin me a lamp post model (see i make fun of myself as well).

so back to my point, if someone who is not fat or thin (average joe) were to make fun of me, i would have to take it. but if the same person made fun of someone who is overweight, it would be frowned upon, makin average joe an insensitive person. for that matter if i were to make fun of a person who is overweight, that would put me in class of A1 jerk offs.

now if the overweight person were to make fun of me, i have to bear it. and this ok!? is it that only over weight people have some sort of social stigma attached to their girth? if some of them have psychological issues, medical issues - can't a person who is under weight have the same issues?

i cant gain weight easily, i lose it very easily tho. i cant help that my metabolism leaves me this way. i cant find clothes to ever fit right. too loose, too short(skinny n tall, thatd be me), oh yes and i cant find shoes to fit right even.

whats my point? er, i forget. the new flavor of the week at the donut shop made me forget.

on a easier note, i got somewhat plastered last nite. now that, laydeez n gennlemen is the right way to kick off a weekend.

and if u want to know what ur name is spelled like in japanese as in the title, use the table below. just received this in my inbox.

A - ka
B - tu
C - mi
D - te
E - ku

F - lu
G - ji
H - ri
I - ki
J - zu

K - me
L - ta
M - rin
N - to
O - mo

P - no
Q - ke
R - shi
S - ari
T - chi

U - do
V - ru
W - mei
X - na
Y - fu

Z - zi

judge not...er wait...judge away

fear not
for i am metal head
i come to you with hope
that you may understand
the meaning of all that rocks!!!

you know if God didnt want us to head bang, He wouldnt have given us necks.

when i was growin up(like i ever will!), mom used to give freedom to choose whatever. she always knew. instilled in us the difference between right and wrong. good and bad. times have changed. our need to survive supercedes any and all. what if someone does something wrong but the motive wasnt to cause harm but to help? are we allowed to be judgemental in our approach? what if all the reasons are not clear or correctly interpreted? by being judgemental have we not cast the first stone? it is also very easy to accuse one of being judgemental. inherently we all are.

i am frequently accused of being judgemental. perhaps i am. what if im not? i have a constant need to explain my questions or actions, because people wont get what im trying to say or do. why do i do this? to "fit in". fit into what? as long as i can fit into my fav pair of jeans, nothing shud matter, right?....right? we're constantly battling ourselves and others to prove a point, when the greater cause is ignored. what is the greater cause? somebody tell me cause i lost the plot somewhere along the way.

when most of us begin this journey, we seek. in these times of blantant advertising, can it be that we've missed what we were lookin for in the first place? and then we stray. is it accident? or the truth of greater forces? is it all a lie? what if the lie was the truth? the truth definitely lies in the lie. or is the other way round? why did i ever do what i did on that fateful day? did i not think of consequence? yes, i did. did it matter? yes it did. then why am i holding my head in despair? why am i fighting all that flows? why am i fighting myself?

when the fight ends, who will emerge victorious? i reckon, the truth that lay dormant in the darkness that the lie created.

"I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity"

crash boom bang?? almost...

looking back, its been a restful week. got quite a few days off. when i finally got back to work, didnt really kno where to start. my dear inbox can be a nitemare.

last week saw a dragonfly, sign of spring. days are gettin warmer. me no likey. me want cold blistery winter .obviously aint gonna get unless i move up north. way up north. hmmm, will do that someday soon, i hope.

was challenged last week to go five days, not morose or morbid or say anything negative. i survived. perhaps i will continue. there may be something to this happy happy cotton candy thing here. at least till it makes me sick. and then i return to my mr. snide complex. muahahahahahaha!!!

i guess i got a lot to be thankful for this week. on wednesday after work, we're driving homeward and just before the sheraton roundabout - strange noise from vehicle. slow down. pull over and examine. the tyre was almost ripped to shreds. another three minutes later and we would have been on istiqlal street, doin maybe 120/130 kmph and if the tyre had decided to give way then, we wouldnt have seen our salaries.

is worth it then? work a whole month, try n spend time with family/friends/laptops, rush thru days in order to get work done.....to nearly not make it to see a paycheck. it is. tomorrow is the end of the world. do what u have to today. jujup wrote of mortality recently. hmmmm. perhaps a seer she is. perhaps a fluke. which ever, mortality and vanilla ice cream can be so similar. by itself so bland, but theres so much one can do with it.

tomorro i watch hot fuzz and the war of the worlds(1953).

lets go to plan b - ES this had better work!

i've already spent time in delirium

i have got an extra day off. which means a lot of sleep. so that puts me in a mood to take the world by the scruff of its neck and shake it all about. hmmmm.

i have been blessed with a lot of good food too off late. and though i've eaten enuff to feed a small nation, i have gained no weight whatsoever. my pants are still dropping and i dont really bother, as long as theres clean underwear, everythings ok!

kuwait celebrating its national day and liberation day - this can only mean one thing. two actually. one traffic is backed up all the way to kingdom come on certain arteries. the other, there are morons with snow foam cans waiting to spray passers by and cars with that gunk. it is an offence, but like really now, the police are gonna arrest these guys? not in this lifetime.

oh yes, being the shy guy i am {ahem}, theres this girl see. and i can talk so easily to her friends and i dont kno what to say to her. me??? me??!! i always have a thousand things to say but i dont kno what to say to her except "hey, h u doin? hows work? hmmm."

work - hmm that reminds me, our unit is now smaller. today is the last working day of ZAM. gonna miss her. yeah sure shes always screamin at me, but then if she wont who will. and theres BM, his last day with us is thursday. sure is gonna be a lot quieter around. oh well lifes like that and we march on, right? right?

i finally saw "the day the earth stood still" and for those who havent, please do. its a classic and what it has to say is quite simply, hmm, important. released 1951, me thinks this movie at that point of time, post WW2, really tried to push what could, in a manner of speaking, actualise. will wait for the 2008 release of the same to see if the movie makers can offer the same quality that the original did 57 years ago. also saw absolute cheese, "plan 9 from outerspace". 1959 release. this movie has been deemed one of the worst ever made. it is surprising though, that there are movies still released with the same set of substandards that plan 9 used.

there have been a few movies i have seen that have had a profound effect. one of the more recent ones being "v for vendetta". perhaps movies with dystopian themes are not very different from reality. it appeals due to the harsh lines/stance taken by society and the justice system(?). and it makes sense absolute. we're not far off.

meanwhile metalcore is the way to go.

see point 10

the past couple of weeks have seen tragedy, shock, wtf incidents and more.

hmmm more.

1) saw a toyota echo a few days back. yes the ugly toad on wheels. and it had a spoiler. i wonder, if that car does a 130 kmph is it gonna rip itself apart? i think i want one. not.

2) on my way to the smoking room, and i saw someone stare really hard at the screen. so much concentration. like wow. really. like wow. the screen was blank.
me"staring at the screen aint gonna make words appear....you have to punch them in"
she took a swipe at me. what'd i say?

3) and the award goes to.....my boss. for scaring the shit out of us. and then managing to scare the shit back into us. you have to hand it to him, he has a way with words. and his delivery was very very very good. damn ,when i grow up i wanna be just like him.

4) i had a new lust interest in life recently. and before it even began i got bored. in retrospect i should have just shot myself. 12 times. at least. what were you thinking??

5) mortal treason so f****n rulz! and if anybody wants to dispute that, do it in my presence and i will rip their tongue out and put it in a blender. then douse it with lighter fluid and set it on fire. i will proceed to collect the remnants and make the person eat it.

6) and yes!! i went shopping last week. got me a couple of shirts. guess the color and you can get me a free drink(dammit i want vodka). went shopping a week earlier as well. got me a pair of cargoes and jeans. guess the color again. and three tees. now guess the color of my new tees.

7) made a new friend and she needs to learn one of the most important things in life. she says she doesnt know how. burping is so essential!

8) saw the fucktards on tv earlier this week. nice, really nice. beating up people and destroying property. yes the thugs are back with a venegeance.

9) The loss of sound the silence waits
The loss of sight the darkness waits
The loss of touch the coldness waits
Don't think just move

10) when a guy says it looks fine, it looks fine!!

i see hope

in the words of sarge - "todaaaay is a good day to go to church"(the words in italics can be replaced with whatever you want)

woke late. showered. picked up my bag and ran. wasnt gonna miss the 12.30 service!! and it was already 12.05. 10 minutes later and no cab in sight."thats it, im gonna miss the 12.30 service".

then came a bus. "public transportation so rules!!!!!" reached the church vicinity in 12 minutes."niiiiicee!!" the area around the church is under heavy construction. as i was makin my way to church suddenly noticed almost all access routes were blocked off. there was just the one access way.

"12.32" and to get to that i would have to go all the way round which would take a lot of time. there was this group of ladies just behind me. we stood there for a few moments. then one of them climbed down the trench and walked on the exposed pipes, climbed out. they helped each one out. finally i made my way across. as i reached the end, i suddenly saw this hand reach out. i looked up to see the first lady who made her way across . she smiled and helped pull me up.

i have never in my life been offered help like this by a lady.

so there was nothin that was goin to stop me from attending service today.

it was more than worth it. of all days today it was worth it.

ramble ramble

its been a long month and it still isnt ready to quit.

ran into a friend today after a long time. havent seen her in months and i run into her a few times today. she looked beautiful as ever. and the best part she still retains her craziness which is so her.

didnt feel like doing much at work today, it was a bit of a slow day. by my standards. received maybe around 18-19 phonecalls, only 68 in the inbox, fixed some issues, got shipments weve been waiting for into central warehouse, learned how to do a smiley trick, was very nice to turkish delight, laughed out loud and a few times, smoked like it was the end of the world, had lunch alone(for the most part), decided to shoot myself if we persist with a certain supplier, dreading doin laundry this weekend(i think this is how hills start out), india did well enuff on the first day.....

the cave is very pleasant today. not many people in which is just the way i like it. the music is good. that reminds me, for those into indie meuzaac, check this out. he is an old friends lil bro(who aint so lil anymore). crisp sound, and you feel the beatles come straight thru, moby hints....best you check it out yourself.

you kno when sometimes you sittin there starin into space, BAM! it hits you. you shouldnt have left the window open on account of the dust storm. hmmm. early this week, decided to let off some steam and i walked. it was a couple of hours later that i realised i had walked bout 13kms. it felt good. i need to start doing this some more.

theres these 3 idiots sitting in front of me. well these 3 amigos are all picking their nasal cavities like its a competition. damn, i guess theyre just like roadkill. u wanna take ur eyes off but u cant.

ooooo. hottie!!! yeah!! at least i dont have to look at the NPNA(to the uninitiated thats Nose Pickers Non Anonymous) candidates anymore. PHEW!! she comes in now and again. now its time to look cool. straigthen back a bit, no leanin back into comfy comfy seat, drink coffee without slurping.....who am i kiddin? i aint gonna talk to her. im one of those really shy types. yup that i am.


last word: if u aint me, u just aint.ooooo boy!

to all those opposed....bite me!!

its been beautifully cold. single digits for the most part. i like.

thursday is dress down day. the day we work dressed casual. wore a sweat shirt and sand/beige cargos. meaning i wasnt dressed in my usual dark attire. and i was also very very nice to people yesterday(for a change, wasnt my growling morose self).

then it began.
"oh ur dressed in light colored clothes today, awww" {i had an answer to that but i held back}
"i see ur not wearing black" {excuse me fucktard but i just wanted to wear my sweatshirt)
"see, u look better when ur not wearing black" {die die die!!}
"..........."..........

all of that made me want to throw up. okayyyyyyyyy, enuff of this nice to everyone crap, and then i was my old self again. it felt better. a lot better. and i had a colleague laffing when i announced my plans for taking over the world (notetoself:destroy her first).


gonna watch zeitgeist tonite.

10 days on

havent blogged since sometime last year....and that has sooo changed my life, not!

the year started out with me being very attentive to my liver(and i dont think ive done it any permanent damage!!)hehe.

if this is just a primer for what the year has to offer, then i dont kno if im gonna see the year thru. whatever, aint goin down without a fight!!! so bring it!

other than work related disasters, life has been pretty much the same. u see, after work, i get back to my cell and change into my superhero costume - jeans, t shirt, my gloves and heavy duty jacket(on account of the really really really cold weather). it hasnt dropped to zero yet, at least not in the city. back to my superhero gig, so after work, and once ive changed into my superhero costume i prowl the streets for something to eat and i found this place last night. 50 metres away and i can smell my food burning(and it was burnt), knew he poured me the wrong drink and found one piece of something that was supposed to be chicken in my chicken soup. it is a place where people go to clog up their arteries, get heartburn and possibly destroy the lining of their stomach. yes, sometimes we must eat at places like this. why? simply because the food actually tastes good. no brown bread, all greasy and burnt(not too much tho) and if youre lucky they just might add a lot of salt. this is the stuff of life.

we have but one life to live and do we want to live without having
that really greasy cheeseburger,
that soft drink,
those greasy salty fries,
those deep fried onion rings,
all that white bread,
red meat,
whole milk
smokes
alcohol
coffee with full cream milk and 8 sugars(at least)
science fiction and horror
.......


sometimes one questions their existence and when left with no choices (i always see one with finality absolute), is there any need to go on? and if everything, and i mean EVERYTHING, goes wrong - what then? and you cant crawl inside that little hole and hide yourself away even for a short moment - what then? i think i got MY answer yesterday. God help me......and He did.