grow up sometime

when we were in school we wanted to be doctors, teachers, firemen, astronauts and whatever. i think when i was growing up i just wanted to be. i look back at and realise i didnt have that kind of dream. there was an obvious inclination but no real motive - i wanted to join the air force. later it was to be an architect. but if these are "dreams" that fade quickly then its not what u want/need to be.

what made me gave up my air force pilot dreams? there was a little accident that altered my life completely and i had no intention of ever being part of ground crew. and so there i was a kid, without a dream and i wanted to be just like other kids. and eventually i decided upon architecture(hmmm in retrospect that would have been a scary move. me a designer of machine or structure that could just explode). what made me change my mind? i didnt want to study anymore. or perhaps i realised i wanted to be unlike the others. my identity is the only thing that is mine.

shud i give that up to be part of a cliched bunch? be accepted? flow with the tide? there are times when this thought cannot be silenced. it is hard going against norms. last year a friend said this much "let the storm cease, then swim safely to shore". makes sense. question is if i wait for the storm to cease, will i get comfortable that i let the tide take me wherever? not for long. because whats inside cannot be quelled.

so if ur an outcast, heretic....take heart that u were never to be understood by the masses but by beings who transcend the superficial.

peace.

right now im thinkin, when i grow up i wanna be indiana jones. or the mighty boba fett. or spiderman. or master chief petty pfficer john-117.