sleep eludes. what else is new? ive been putting my liver to the test for nearly two weeks now. and yeah, its worth the trip the mind goes on. i am inspired by things most ordinary and the words that flow are, er, infantile at best. lol. (shoon u read)but in that i suppose there is a certain amount of simplicity. and kids generally speak and see things as they are. i dont wanna grow upppppppppppp! peter pan syndrome here.

got shinedown's latest offering - the sound of madness. now this, lay these gennlemen, is good!!
wrap me in a bolt of lightening
send me on my way still smiling
maybe thats the way i should go
straight into the mouth of the unknown

facebook has really helped. i mean i have been able to locate the long lost and vice versa. and it feels good to hear from people who u think might be dead or abducted by aliens or part of some strange government experiment.




when u know crossroads approach, what are u willing to do to further ur journey?


i know what im gonna do.

if it doesnt kill you, its only gonna weaken you to kill at a later time

hmm, been a while.

4 weeks.

let see now.....

theres was satan bug attack. which left me down n out.

then there was food poisoning.

then a bit of a head cold.

yup i am definitely jinxed.

we said good bye to a colleague last week.

said hello to another who was back after her 2 month hiatus.

and our department shuts down in a few weeks which means the team is all gone now. as good as anyways. i will coming full circle in a manner of speaking. lookin forward to that. i guess.

last couple of weeks saw me attend social gatherings. somethin i usually avoid. last week i ran into a class mate after 18 years. our conversation began with the usual swearin. somethings never change. lol.
also managed to track another classmate after 21 years. when we were in school we started this newsletter. and the others wud luv readin it. we took it one step further. we made them read using an australian accent. ahhh good times!


crap im gettin oollllllddddd. then last night i met two old friends - vodka and white rum. we partied till the wee hours of dawn. i think i like my life now.

i have been doin strange things of late. i am trying to mix with the human race. clipped my hair very short. almost bald and it was very comfortable. trimmed my chin beard to almost non existence. wearing light colored shirts(at work still remains the same), smile more than 5 times a week. spend around 12 hrs straight watching movies or tv shows. yup, i definitely like my life. for now, that is until something happens and i want to go totally postal on everyone.

so until whenever....i have some web slingin to do.

"fall into sleep...."

you know its one of those days when......when WHAT????

been off this week. got me what i wanted - plenty o' rest. had time to think and rethink. demons can be a very funny thing, they either stay or they stay.

nirvana was over rated.
tool will elevate surrealism to a level most incomprehensible by joe public.
dislike boys bands.
hate britney spears even more.
the loathing i feel for that hilton waste .......!!
poetry is over rated, the true poet will die in obscurity.
the soul is undetermined.
art is almost always lost in comprehension.
there are never enough.
time is warped beyond dimension.
God is disappointed.
the mean old man down the street was abandoned.
the lady next door longs for attention.
whenever i look at you alls i see are two pits that have long lost their drive.
objects in mirrors ARE reflections.
i mirror your persona and be hated for what you see.
when that baby cried, it was only uncomfortable.
so you got lost, guess what? you never got past the starting line.
death staring you straight in the eye wants you to find reason to live.
embrace drugs.embrace alcohol.embrace the devil.now youve got nothing to lose.
she cried because she was trapped in her own misgivings. she didnt kno better. i didnt tell her.
the president is responsible.
my revolution is on its way. am i willing to die for it?
"what makes us behave in this way? dont think just move..."
you looked at him like he was your raison de etre. he saw right thru u. i shud have spoken.
when a person is going to die, pay them that last visit. the guilt goes to ur grave with u.
all your achievements mean squat when ur dead.
the other"so, did you miss me?" me"no, not really"
pessimism is just another term the optimistics like to use when reality gets too hard.
she lied.so did i.
you were most probably raised to believe that one of lifes constitutions was to sleep thru commercials.
distance heals. time prolongs the healing.
life is undervalued.
death is your destiny.
immortality ate thru the rust.
immortality is your 15 minutes.
tomorrow is the end of the world, do what you have to today.

clone encounters for the ra kind

dozed off a couple of times in the workshop/introductory session yesterday at work.

and for the first time ever, i had absolutely nothin, yesssssss, NOTHIN TO DO AT WORK YESTERDAY!!!!!!

my dear colleagues decided to impart(unleash is more the word) all of their infinite wisdom today. was given tips - unanimous it was - as follows:

1)my chin beard must go. so i havent let a razor touch my chin in six years. trimmed the beard regularly.....but its only been 6 years......damn! ok will give it a try. this had better work.

2)must smile(i do smile, on the inside)

3)must get more colors in my wardrode(i think its just about pefect right now. hmmm, do shades of black count?)

4)spike my hair(maybe use it as a puncturing weapon thingie)

5)be optimistic(that i am already. my optimistic nature tells me the glass needs to be filled so that i dont go thirsty. my optimistic and positive nature tells me we're doomed. im positive about that)

6)must buy ferrari(only one? im supposed to impress members of the opposite sex)



on a different note, it does feel nice, if nothing else, that people actually consider your work. they may not say it out loud or seem to not acknowledge, and that can be a real downer, but i reckon if timed is great for the ego and self belief system that most of us rely on. sometimes you have one of those daze and then murphy's laws decide to kick in to add a sore in an already itchy place.

then there are moments like yesterday wherein it makes all the madness worth it. fleeting moment, but worth it nonetheless. i ll take it. just like i ll take that last brownie. mmmmmm. brownie good.

yawn, burp, yawn, scratch male parts, yawn.....

today is the last of a series. a series of days off. been a while coming. and i got to sleep as planned. a lot. back to guantanamo tomorrow.

so i walk in to ye olde donut shoppe and then....i see it. the biggest croissant ever. the mother of all croissants. the girl behind the counter called it a turtle. well then a turtle that looks like a croissant is what i eat. muahahahaha! {ahem}



{i wonder if i can get the whole thing down in one bite.....nah, maybe when i was younger, the good ol daze when we wuz young.}

while i trip on kyuss, i look ahead to face yet another uninspiring week.

woo-hah. im so excited.

in other news, i have actually been asked to write lyrics for two albums. metal/death core even. hmmm. my non-existent writing skills now come to the fore. i have already got two songs down. 36 to go. at least.

MD round the corner. hope i gets me stuff so i can buy.

my name is shimotetokufu katanorimotoarimo / themvstheothers

the other day i called my colleague fat. shes not. in fact shes a poster child for what models look like. that got me thinking.

now im kinda thin. there are times when i get even thinner makin me a lamp post model (see i make fun of myself as well).

so back to my point, if someone who is not fat or thin (average joe) were to make fun of me, i would have to take it. but if the same person made fun of someone who is overweight, it would be frowned upon, makin average joe an insensitive person. for that matter if i were to make fun of a person who is overweight, that would put me in class of A1 jerk offs.

now if the overweight person were to make fun of me, i have to bear it. and this ok!? is it that only over weight people have some sort of social stigma attached to their girth? if some of them have psychological issues, medical issues - can't a person who is under weight have the same issues?

i cant gain weight easily, i lose it very easily tho. i cant help that my metabolism leaves me this way. i cant find clothes to ever fit right. too loose, too short(skinny n tall, thatd be me), oh yes and i cant find shoes to fit right even.

whats my point? er, i forget. the new flavor of the week at the donut shop made me forget.

on a easier note, i got somewhat plastered last nite. now that, laydeez n gennlemen is the right way to kick off a weekend.

and if u want to know what ur name is spelled like in japanese as in the title, use the table below. just received this in my inbox.

A - ka
B - tu
C - mi
D - te
E - ku

F - lu
G - ji
H - ri
I - ki
J - zu

K - me
L - ta
M - rin
N - to
O - mo

P - no
Q - ke
R - shi
S - ari
T - chi

U - do
V - ru
W - mei
X - na
Y - fu

Z - zi

judge not...er wait...judge away

fear not
for i am metal head
i come to you with hope
that you may understand
the meaning of all that rocks!!!

you know if God didnt want us to head bang, He wouldnt have given us necks.

when i was growin up(like i ever will!), mom used to give freedom to choose whatever. she always knew. instilled in us the difference between right and wrong. good and bad. times have changed. our need to survive supercedes any and all. what if someone does something wrong but the motive wasnt to cause harm but to help? are we allowed to be judgemental in our approach? what if all the reasons are not clear or correctly interpreted? by being judgemental have we not cast the first stone? it is also very easy to accuse one of being judgemental. inherently we all are.

i am frequently accused of being judgemental. perhaps i am. what if im not? i have a constant need to explain my questions or actions, because people wont get what im trying to say or do. why do i do this? to "fit in". fit into what? as long as i can fit into my fav pair of jeans, nothing shud matter, right?....right? we're constantly battling ourselves and others to prove a point, when the greater cause is ignored. what is the greater cause? somebody tell me cause i lost the plot somewhere along the way.

when most of us begin this journey, we seek. in these times of blantant advertising, can it be that we've missed what we were lookin for in the first place? and then we stray. is it accident? or the truth of greater forces? is it all a lie? what if the lie was the truth? the truth definitely lies in the lie. or is the other way round? why did i ever do what i did on that fateful day? did i not think of consequence? yes, i did. did it matter? yes it did. then why am i holding my head in despair? why am i fighting all that flows? why am i fighting myself?

when the fight ends, who will emerge victorious? i reckon, the truth that lay dormant in the darkness that the lie created.

"I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity"

crash boom bang?? almost...

looking back, its been a restful week. got quite a few days off. when i finally got back to work, didnt really kno where to start. my dear inbox can be a nitemare.

last week saw a dragonfly, sign of spring. days are gettin warmer. me no likey. me want cold blistery winter .obviously aint gonna get unless i move up north. way up north. hmmm, will do that someday soon, i hope.

was challenged last week to go five days, not morose or morbid or say anything negative. i survived. perhaps i will continue. there may be something to this happy happy cotton candy thing here. at least till it makes me sick. and then i return to my mr. snide complex. muahahahahahaha!!!

i guess i got a lot to be thankful for this week. on wednesday after work, we're driving homeward and just before the sheraton roundabout - strange noise from vehicle. slow down. pull over and examine. the tyre was almost ripped to shreds. another three minutes later and we would have been on istiqlal street, doin maybe 120/130 kmph and if the tyre had decided to give way then, we wouldnt have seen our salaries.

is worth it then? work a whole month, try n spend time with family/friends/laptops, rush thru days in order to get work done.....to nearly not make it to see a paycheck. it is. tomorrow is the end of the world. do what u have to today. jujup wrote of mortality recently. hmmmm. perhaps a seer she is. perhaps a fluke. which ever, mortality and vanilla ice cream can be so similar. by itself so bland, but theres so much one can do with it.

tomorro i watch hot fuzz and the war of the worlds(1953).

lets go to plan b - ES this had better work!

i've already spent time in delirium

i have got an extra day off. which means a lot of sleep. so that puts me in a mood to take the world by the scruff of its neck and shake it all about. hmmmm.

i have been blessed with a lot of good food too off late. and though i've eaten enuff to feed a small nation, i have gained no weight whatsoever. my pants are still dropping and i dont really bother, as long as theres clean underwear, everythings ok!

kuwait celebrating its national day and liberation day - this can only mean one thing. two actually. one traffic is backed up all the way to kingdom come on certain arteries. the other, there are morons with snow foam cans waiting to spray passers by and cars with that gunk. it is an offence, but like really now, the police are gonna arrest these guys? not in this lifetime.

oh yes, being the shy guy i am {ahem}, theres this girl see. and i can talk so easily to her friends and i dont kno what to say to her. me??? me??!! i always have a thousand things to say but i dont kno what to say to her except "hey, h u doin? hows work? hmmm."

work - hmm that reminds me, our unit is now smaller. today is the last working day of ZAM. gonna miss her. yeah sure shes always screamin at me, but then if she wont who will. and theres BM, his last day with us is thursday. sure is gonna be a lot quieter around. oh well lifes like that and we march on, right? right?

i finally saw "the day the earth stood still" and for those who havent, please do. its a classic and what it has to say is quite simply, hmm, important. released 1951, me thinks this movie at that point of time, post WW2, really tried to push what could, in a manner of speaking, actualise. will wait for the 2008 release of the same to see if the movie makers can offer the same quality that the original did 57 years ago. also saw absolute cheese, "plan 9 from outerspace". 1959 release. this movie has been deemed one of the worst ever made. it is surprising though, that there are movies still released with the same set of substandards that plan 9 used.

there have been a few movies i have seen that have had a profound effect. one of the more recent ones being "v for vendetta". perhaps movies with dystopian themes are not very different from reality. it appeals due to the harsh lines/stance taken by society and the justice system(?). and it makes sense absolute. we're not far off.

meanwhile metalcore is the way to go.

see point 10

the past couple of weeks have seen tragedy, shock, wtf incidents and more.

hmmm more.

1) saw a toyota echo a few days back. yes the ugly toad on wheels. and it had a spoiler. i wonder, if that car does a 130 kmph is it gonna rip itself apart? i think i want one. not.

2) on my way to the smoking room, and i saw someone stare really hard at the screen. so much concentration. like wow. really. like wow. the screen was blank.
me"staring at the screen aint gonna make words appear....you have to punch them in"
she took a swipe at me. what'd i say?

3) and the award goes to.....my boss. for scaring the shit out of us. and then managing to scare the shit back into us. you have to hand it to him, he has a way with words. and his delivery was very very very good. damn ,when i grow up i wanna be just like him.

4) i had a new lust interest in life recently. and before it even began i got bored. in retrospect i should have just shot myself. 12 times. at least. what were you thinking??

5) mortal treason so f****n rulz! and if anybody wants to dispute that, do it in my presence and i will rip their tongue out and put it in a blender. then douse it with lighter fluid and set it on fire. i will proceed to collect the remnants and make the person eat it.

6) and yes!! i went shopping last week. got me a couple of shirts. guess the color and you can get me a free drink(dammit i want vodka). went shopping a week earlier as well. got me a pair of cargoes and jeans. guess the color again. and three tees. now guess the color of my new tees.

7) made a new friend and she needs to learn one of the most important things in life. she says she doesnt know how. burping is so essential!

8) saw the fucktards on tv earlier this week. nice, really nice. beating up people and destroying property. yes the thugs are back with a venegeance.

9) The loss of sound the silence waits
The loss of sight the darkness waits
The loss of touch the coldness waits
Don't think just move

10) when a guy says it looks fine, it looks fine!!

ramble ramble

its been a long month and it still isnt ready to quit.

ran into a friend today after a long time. havent seen her in months and i run into her a few times today. she looked beautiful as ever. and the best part she still retains her craziness which is so her.

didnt feel like doing much at work today, it was a bit of a slow day. by my standards. received maybe around 18-19 phonecalls, only 68 in the inbox, fixed some issues, got shipments weve been waiting for into central warehouse, learned how to do a smiley trick, was very nice to turkish delight, laughed out loud and a few times, smoked like it was the end of the world, had lunch alone(for the most part), decided to shoot myself if we persist with a certain supplier, dreading doin laundry this weekend(i think this is how hills start out), india did well enuff on the first day.....

the cave is very pleasant today. not many people in which is just the way i like it. the music is good. that reminds me, for those into indie meuzaac, check this out. he is an old friends lil bro(who aint so lil anymore). crisp sound, and you feel the beatles come straight thru, moby hints....best you check it out yourself.

you kno when sometimes you sittin there starin into space, BAM! it hits you. you shouldnt have left the window open on account of the dust storm. hmmm. early this week, decided to let off some steam and i walked. it was a couple of hours later that i realised i had walked bout 13kms. it felt good. i need to start doing this some more.

theres these 3 idiots sitting in front of me. well these 3 amigos are all picking their nasal cavities like its a competition. damn, i guess theyre just like roadkill. u wanna take ur eyes off but u cant.

ooooo. hottie!!! yeah!! at least i dont have to look at the NPNA(to the uninitiated thats Nose Pickers Non Anonymous) candidates anymore. PHEW!! she comes in now and again. now its time to look cool. straigthen back a bit, no leanin back into comfy comfy seat, drink coffee without slurping.....who am i kiddin? i aint gonna talk to her. im one of those really shy types. yup that i am.


last word: if u aint me, u just aint.ooooo boy!

10 days on

havent blogged since sometime last year....and that has sooo changed my life, not!

the year started out with me being very attentive to my liver(and i dont think ive done it any permanent damage!!)hehe.

if this is just a primer for what the year has to offer, then i dont kno if im gonna see the year thru. whatever, aint goin down without a fight!!! so bring it!

other than work related disasters, life has been pretty much the same. u see, after work, i get back to my cell and change into my superhero costume - jeans, t shirt, my gloves and heavy duty jacket(on account of the really really really cold weather). it hasnt dropped to zero yet, at least not in the city. back to my superhero gig, so after work, and once ive changed into my superhero costume i prowl the streets for something to eat and i found this place last night. 50 metres away and i can smell my food burning(and it was burnt), knew he poured me the wrong drink and found one piece of something that was supposed to be chicken in my chicken soup. it is a place where people go to clog up their arteries, get heartburn and possibly destroy the lining of their stomach. yes, sometimes we must eat at places like this. why? simply because the food actually tastes good. no brown bread, all greasy and burnt(not too much tho) and if youre lucky they just might add a lot of salt. this is the stuff of life.

we have but one life to live and do we want to live without having
that really greasy cheeseburger,
that soft drink,
those greasy salty fries,
those deep fried onion rings,
all that white bread,
red meat,
whole milk
smokes
alcohol
coffee with full cream milk and 8 sugars(at least)
science fiction and horror
.......


sometimes one questions their existence and when left with no choices (i always see one with finality absolute), is there any need to go on? and if everything, and i mean EVERYTHING, goes wrong - what then? and you cant crawl inside that little hole and hide yourself away even for a short moment - what then? i think i got MY answer yesterday. God help me......and He did.

smoking helps....really it does!!?! you believe that??

standing in the cold, sipping on my chocolate milk and smoking my life away...i thought "whos been the most influential people i know, and in my life?" good or bad. they did influence.

back in my room. wrapped up in my blanket.
hendrix is playin

so people walk into our lives to
- change our belief systems
- question our motives
- ruin our lives (rise from the ashes to either seek retribution or learn to be wary)
bad company playin now {i like my new play list}
- better them
- help us see. we are blind and deaf most of us
black crowes playin now

i have learned from my father. the man is a very hard worker. will not miss a day of work unless he cant get out of bed. work hard and straight.

i have learned from my mother. to forgive(it took me all of 32 years to do that). observing my mother i have actually learnt a lot about how a woman operates. me thinks my sisters and their friends also helped there. {i may not necessarily exhibit, play dumb and learn more}. my mother is a very strong woman, she may not realise, but for a woman to go thru what shes been thru since she was a child and then to raise us. respect man! absolute!! if ever the term one man army applied...this is it. stand your ground, take up the challenge and fight. even if youre alone. your strength lies in the simple fact that you are able to achieve.
lynyrd skynyrd playin now

i have learned from sister carmen mary. she taught me when i was in fourth grade. its a wonder i still have my ears. she always pulled them real hard. i think the real lesson was not in the new words she gave us everyday but the very exercise. challenge the new and gain!
motherlove bone playin now

i have learned from mrs. mathulla. she taught me when i was in 9th and 10th grade. a friend and me once got into trouble. for a crime we did not commit. he came over to my place and told me about the problem. we left immediately to mrs. mathulla's place. had to have our names cleared. what surprised us - she knew we didnt do it. and she spoke to us for a very long time. and that day she asked a question(which i think was pivotal in the shaping of our lives then) it made us think and we moved to a different line of reasoning. {RK, dude, i knocked on on your door when all these years you were seeking mine}. and damn i shouldnt have taken my mother to the PTA!!
wishbone ash playin now

i recall meeting this person in a pub and all he said was "there is no such thing as luck, only perseverance". there was MG and she once told me "get to where to you have to. even if it means you only have a dollar left in your pocket". the GM of a company "what are you without the brand name?". that guy "take me to your parents. they need to know what their son is doing with my daughter!" {lol, it is funny now, not back then}. VR, in front of class,"the hardest working person this semester has been <"ahem"> ra" {that was a bit face reddening}.
candlebox playin now

there were others things said, but for now i choose only these.

i have learned from my previous relationships you cannot trust, regardless of the situation. i have given chances, have to take into account human nature. results have more or less swayed the same pitch.
pearl jam playin now

perhaps some of the biggest influences since i was a child - music and books. the books went away, they will be back soon. not having too many friends has its +s.

when i finally grow up i wanna be wayne rainey.

introspective....yeah i wish

ok....i am smiling...and its official.


the team went out for lunch courtesy the TED. he may drive us crazy, but works work. la porno!!(ok its actually al forno). made a mention of it sometime back. place is great. food is good. dessert is great. bill paid by boss - the best. credit where credit is due, our brand is new, we have our teething issues but then thats expected. and we have a boss who may drive us crazy, but you know what....his passion equals no other. and honestly(i cant lie here, im intoxicated, so that makes it even harder) i would not want to work for anybody else.

and i was good to turkish delight, damn did that woman have to hug?!?! for once i said something nice to her. maybe its the season, maybe it was a good day, maybe its hendrix or wishbone ash or bad company(im goin totally retro tonite), maybe its the fourth glass im on....there could be a lot of maybes. OR maybe its just realisation. bottomline, i should be nicer to people. admit, i am snappy(thats puttin it mildly). my excuse - too much work.

R, you know, give me till this weekend, santa and his henchmen will have a different ending. and krashers, you're gonna see the missing details. admit, it did end abrupt. there was a lot missing in between.

til whenever, keep on rockin the free(?) world.

the walls gettin higher.....in isolation i die

been a long week.

and i found out i am so good,and dont even know it.yep!!

works been drivin me crazy but im so drawn to it. there be many voids to fill and work has always been a great filler. feelin agigated lately and i dont kno what to do.

met wit some friends yesterday evenin and we went out for dinner. to a restaurant that specialised in nothingness. we spoke a lot about work. i dont have anything else to talk about(i like to work, i like my job, i just wish things were fair, but thats racism for you). and the girls threatened me. "we wont go out with you if u keep payin" {sue me}. hey if u dont wanna go out......

i am still feelin somewhat ill from last week. i havent had time to recover, went straight back to work after i found out i could stand again. but then thats how im built.

last week im told not to hate the world so much. and not to hate myself. i dont hate myself, i just dislike a lot of things, hmmm, notetoself:shave more often. maybe its not the world i hate but the world i kno. and i kno i definitely dislike what i see. dystopian reality in an egalitarian dream!! hardy har har!! last week also had to go face to face. and i came out on top. but that still didnt change the fact that what happened was not right. im not right all the time, but when i am , I AM! deal with it you loused up fucktards!!

this mornin-

dipstick: what is that?[pointing to my forearm]
me: what...? [and i look past it and on to the ground behind me thinking hes pointing to something on the ground]
dipstick: that, that...[pointing again]
me: oh that, its nothing [i realise hes pointin to my tattoo]
dipstick: what longage?
me: japanese
dipstick: u speak japonese
me: no
dipstick: show me [and then the stupid pile of shit moves closer to hold my arm]
me: [moving arm away from him, see i dont like anybody touchin me, its hard enuff lettin people who kno me touch me. i dont liked to be touched by anybody. very few people allowed that. i dont go touching anybody, so i expect the same]
dipstick: what it means?
me: it means something
me: i have to go
dipstick: i just being friendly, no serious
me: {not in a mood for this u shitbag, really im not, go far away}
dipstick: show me show me {hes getting closer and tryin to hold my forearm]
me: why are u talkin to me?
dipstick: i just being friendly, just want to see. what religion u are? where u are from?
me: ur asking too many questions, and i dont like it. [very very annoyed tone]
dipstick: i just being friendly
me: i dont care, ur wasting my time and ur asking too many questions
dipstick: u dont like? [he had this look, bet he practised it a lot in front of a mirror, a look of surprise. surprised that someone doesnt want to talk to him)
me: no, i dont like [by this time, my voice was very high, walking away from him]
dipstick; oh ok, i will not ask question, why you angry?
me: {i wish killin dipsticks was legal}


great news this mornin, actually this afternoon, my bro (hes part of the fantastic four) got a lil girl. the strange part is theres this word (hyatt = life)stuck in my head from sometime last week. and guess what he calls her.....we spoke for quite a while. he may come down to kuwait for a few daze. we got a lot of catching up to do.



and finally for all those who want to quit their job but dont kno what to write....



Dear Sir,


Subject: Resignation

















I Love Your Wife.











Thank You......... ...












GOD so rules!! truth be told here, i lag behind, disappointed and feeling condemned and angry, but HE sure knows how much punishment i can take and then HE pulls me out like nothing has happened and everything is sorted out. i may not be religious in a way conventional, ive had my share of x-file experiences with GOD, but what HE did for me this week and i asked HIM because there was no way out but a gun, and HE was there. HE WAS THERE!!

all quiet on the middle eastern front

i ran. so far. so fast. i ran.

on my way to IT, i thought id just do a fly-by. all i wanted to do was say hi. and i did. and then it started. sitting across each other and i was caught in the middle(i was standing there of course). the subject can be so sensitive. we all have our views on it. some have very distorted views, or so i believe. having said that i do have an open mind. i am willing to hear, in order to get a feel of what the other has to offer. and if i dont like it, welllll, i dont. you may disagree with me, shoot me down just because we differ. i may be outnumbered, but i will stick to what i have chosen.

perhaps S n me shouldnt have tried to mess with dragon lady - that there was error #1. then we tried to defend our choices - that was error #2. S began telling me of what he'd done for her and she didnt appreciate his efforts. then he told her of similarities of her choices and ours - error #3. i think this was around the time she pulled out her gun and began to wave it violently in the air. we still didnt notice that.(we're guys, which means we reserve the right to be blind to the obvious). it was only when she pointed the gun straight in our faces did we realise the error of our ways(all 400 of them ways. yes 400. by that time everything we said was wrong). hmmm, this was when all hell broke loose. "uh-oh".

i ran. so far. so fast. i ran.

i bet she knows kung fu too.

now tell me what is so wrong with porcupine tree?


the evening turned out to be great. we gathered(threw him a surprise party) to honor(?!) a friend, son, brother, comrade who will soon begin a new life.

the dip was so amazing, the alcohol relaxed, the music was great. and i actually participated in some of the party thingys.lol! and then i did, dare i say it, the unmentionable(well almost). i danced. slow danced even. sheeeeshhh, how drunk was i???

all in all the day was good. an end to a week that thrived on misery.

thank you very much TM n VM. you guys almost rock, but then u dont, u pop!!!

things happen to alter conviction

201007

i got to ride in the back of an ambulance. speeding along to the hospital. i was holding her hand. talking to her all the time. the paramedic told me to keep talkin to her. and so i spoke.

she didnt recognise me as i spoke to her. she thought i was one of the paramedics. answering as many questions as i could while he was filling up the form, the ride got me feeling dizzy. my head still hurt for a few hours after the hospital trip.

i didnt smoke much that day.

my chest didnt hurt much that day.


221007

news that good certainly deserved celebration. was already planning it when the phone rang a few hours after. matter of life and death. lose one in order to save the other. by continuing, we would have lost both mother and foetus. decisions made. life continues. life ends.





we spoke of books read when we were children. as a child i found agatha christie too complicated. the same when i was growing. but edgar allan poe - havent read all his works{note to self, buy all EA Poe writings}, he was contagious. he did frighten. but not in a way conventional. more to do with deep rooted psychosis and emotions buried deep. resurfacing into fear that is individual. stephen king came much later in life as did dean r koontz. i was 8 when i really took an interest in reading(didnt have m/any friends). i think that was a good thing. i would spend as much time as i could in the school library. but the real gift was when i would walk into a bookstore. walking thru the aisles. very slowly. i didnt want to miss a book. there was home.

suits, botox and more suits

so the day starts beautifully. the weather is great. on my way to work and im thinking i shud be playin cricket instead.

i take the bus to work. i recognise a lot of faces, i try n figure how some live their lives. for a while i thought something happened to the old man, he greets all the familiars in the bus. then i saw him a few weeks ago. i think he finally quit. a person that old shudnt be workin, he shud be spending his time with his grandkids(maybe hes doin it now), but situations and circumstance, them be the big killers.

there have a been few additions to the regulars.

the MIB. sometimes they are the MIG(men in grey). and some other times they are the MIRDG(men in really dark grey). one of them, the skinny one with the spiky hair makes me look fat! and the other one is big and never smiling. hmmm, both of em are never smiling. they just walk to the stop and board the bus. then they take their seats. big guy closes his eyes, folds his arms. skinny guy looks out the window.

then theres the 3 boys with suits and their laptops. they board the bus before i do. im willin to bet - new arrivals in the country. hair so neat, shoes so shiny and damn those suits so neatly ironed. need to find where they get their suits laundered.

how can i miss the girl who pulls her hair back so tight(her eyebrows are where her hairline shud begin), i wonder how she manages to do that everyday? botox?? the route is new to her, she always counts stops before she gets off, not too familiar with the area.


i like travelling by bus. its the trip/journey.

'scuse me while I kiss the sky

be very nice to the people you dont like and hey, wonder of wonders, you feel good inside. I rarely be like that and maybe i should do it more often.

just saw the simpsons movie. it didnt have its usual brand of funny, there were those moments but.... thanks to MRC n ZAM, i now have a ton of movies to watch this weekend. muahahaha

and a rare today was. i had a bit of free time. no follow ups, nothin much. maybe i woke up in another dimension. dunno. whatever it is, i had to look busy. got most of my updates done, finance issues taken care of, IT issues sorted for the moment, logistical nitemare is a bad dream for now, loss prevention doubts cleared....hmmmm.

so tired, barely slept these past few nites, but i feel good.

lately things don't seem the same,
actin' funny but I don't know why
'scuse me while I kiss the sky.

i should make peace with all, everyone i know....starting with myself. all?

I know I know I know what is inside

long weekend ahead......

ramadan is just about done. which means i can kill myself in public again!!

business has been excellent.

also working on some projects outside of work. driving me crazy, but then im already there!!

and looking forward to the long weekend. plan to stay in bed most part of the day and yes watch a lot of movies. i plan to be lazee and work on future plans.

its gonna be make or break. as of now, from where i stand, i dont have much to lose, so whatever the outcome........