things happen to alter conviction

201007

i got to ride in the back of an ambulance. speeding along to the hospital. i was holding her hand. talking to her all the time. the paramedic told me to keep talkin to her. and so i spoke.

she didnt recognise me as i spoke to her. she thought i was one of the paramedics. answering as many questions as i could while he was filling up the form, the ride got me feeling dizzy. my head still hurt for a few hours after the hospital trip.

i didnt smoke much that day.

my chest didnt hurt much that day.


221007

news that good certainly deserved celebration. was already planning it when the phone rang a few hours after. matter of life and death. lose one in order to save the other. by continuing, we would have lost both mother and foetus. decisions made. life continues. life ends.





we spoke of books read when we were children. as a child i found agatha christie too complicated. the same when i was growing. but edgar allan poe - havent read all his works{note to self, buy all EA Poe writings}, he was contagious. he did frighten. but not in a way conventional. more to do with deep rooted psychosis and emotions buried deep. resurfacing into fear that is individual. stephen king came much later in life as did dean r koontz. i was 8 when i really took an interest in reading(didnt have m/any friends). i think that was a good thing. i would spend as much time as i could in the school library. but the real gift was when i would walk into a bookstore. walking thru the aisles. very slowly. i didnt want to miss a book. there was home.