lookin back

most trials are inconsequential.
confiding to the wasted, what was there is now. and my toes and my fingertips, numb. so numb. but i can can actaully feel as i wave.

"yeah, ill get it done. theyre gonna get the info before they get to work" {before im supposed to be at work}

and i fell farther than ever before and f*** me, i feel even more alive.

u see what kills lets me live n see. if execution of rebirth was as easy as the shit that billy "im gonna rape ur soul" gates sells, then i am as real as the next order cycle without any changes. and damn u bastards for pushin shit that no one wants with lies and inflated articulation. why cant they see it? cuz the bastards sold their souls and u have in turn sold the souls of ur children, to prove a point. bite me. ur ineffective, because i see thru u. ur effective because u got me hands tied behind and on my knees.

im not lookin back, it is now.

"There must be some kind of way out of here
Said the joker to the thief
There's too much confusion
I can't get no relief"

there are times when all u wanna do is scream....

well i try to sing
and it scares people. my landlady heard me, er, sing. her daughters heard me last nite. the younger one knows, so shes ok with it. the older one asks me today "what was that noise? was it a really scary movie? lots of monsters?"

hmmm, ok i dont sing...i listen to metal and i growl.

so it scares people. hm, i may be on to something here.

nucking futs!!

do or die!!!

lol!!!!

i so dislike em!!!!!

at least i ll know!!!!!!

my happiness is slowly creeping back, and im not a happy smiley type person

Will you stand above me?
Look my way, never love me
Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling
Down, down, down

just love that song....

ive finally got a room again. today was clean or eventually sink. and now i see floor and no more clothes, and no more empty bottles, and no more cds/dvds and i realise living out of a suitcase is that one cant really see what they have or need. and thats when the suitcase got lighter. anyways, i can move again. so i now have reached a whole new level of enlightenment and roominess.


and i actually have a bit of a personal life. its been too long and ive forgotten what it feels like. i am beginning to appreciate things. ok fine, all that ive been hording for so many years isnt gonna take a back seat, but i have a personal life and i like. i still cant dance, oh well at least i can headbang. thats a primitve form of dancing for those not in the know.

i like.

crawl to scrape knees and then roll over n play dead....possum!!!

its been 5 years. and a day.


got reason(s) if nothing. and it makes sense. always did but didnt really want to accept.

ive tuned into launchcast and its been a good trip. theres bands n music from the nineties, brings back memories. grunge and its evolution, pearl jam and alice in chains(yeah sure nirvana, good, sorry but i think they be over rated)and the discovery of the best electronic outfit ever - the prodigy.

anyhoos, krashers is now a mutant. and im happy for mon ami stinkhead. God bless compadre!!!

thats two so far this year, the first being doc.

and no matter what, "man"kind always loses. but God bless to y'all and keep on rockin the free(?) world.

and yesssss, im drinkin n bloggin officer!!!

and im gettin home cooked food for lunch now!!!!

being lost when u cant only makes me think, why am i even bothering?

seriously tho, i wish the world would change.

and i am doin all i can...........are u?