human relationships are the most diabolical!!

i like the relationship i have with a tv set. i know where im headed. sometimes the batteries of the remote die, but they can easily be replaced. tvs dont misunderstand. they take you for what u r.

tv sets are simple.

we re not.

u kno ur alone......

u know ur alone when
-theres no one else to take the last train home
-the clickin u hear is an echo in the emptiness
-the mirror cracks with no apparent reason
-the coffee machine spits out sludge
-tomorrow is a deadline that will never come
-there is only one trail
-the hollow siezed up
-the salt tasted like a bitter pill
-apathy is ur friend, friend? apathy is u
-the bomb that blew everything up didnt
-ur shadow never existed
-ur heart started beating
-the devil smiles at u and takes ur last glass
-that eight ball stops just before the pocket
-smearing ur face with ashes was tribute to the living
-regurgitating is entertainment
-that blade shined so
-the wall stares back at u
-the theory holds true
-all that blood u see is not urs

grow up sometime

when we were in school we wanted to be doctors, teachers, firemen, astronauts and whatever. i think when i was growing up i just wanted to be. i look back at and realise i didnt have that kind of dream. there was an obvious inclination but no real motive - i wanted to join the air force. later it was to be an architect. but if these are "dreams" that fade quickly then its not what u want/need to be.

what made me gave up my air force pilot dreams? there was a little accident that altered my life completely and i had no intention of ever being part of ground crew. and so there i was a kid, without a dream and i wanted to be just like other kids. and eventually i decided upon architecture(hmmm in retrospect that would have been a scary move. me a designer of machine or structure that could just explode). what made me change my mind? i didnt want to study anymore. or perhaps i realised i wanted to be unlike the others. my identity is the only thing that is mine.

shud i give that up to be part of a cliched bunch? be accepted? flow with the tide? there are times when this thought cannot be silenced. it is hard going against norms. last year a friend said this much "let the storm cease, then swim safely to shore". makes sense. question is if i wait for the storm to cease, will i get comfortable that i let the tide take me wherever? not for long. because whats inside cannot be quelled.

so if ur an outcast, heretic....take heart that u were never to be understood by the masses but by beings who transcend the superficial.

peace.

right now im thinkin, when i grow up i wanna be indiana jones. or the mighty boba fett. or spiderman. or master chief petty pfficer john-117.

sleep eludes. what else is new? ive been putting my liver to the test for nearly two weeks now. and yeah, its worth the trip the mind goes on. i am inspired by things most ordinary and the words that flow are, er, infantile at best. lol. (shoon u read)but in that i suppose there is a certain amount of simplicity. and kids generally speak and see things as they are. i dont wanna grow upppppppppppp! peter pan syndrome here.

got shinedown's latest offering - the sound of madness. now this, lay these gennlemen, is good!!
wrap me in a bolt of lightening
send me on my way still smiling
maybe thats the way i should go
straight into the mouth of the unknown

facebook has really helped. i mean i have been able to locate the long lost and vice versa. and it feels good to hear from people who u think might be dead or abducted by aliens or part of some strange government experiment.




when u know crossroads approach, what are u willing to do to further ur journey?


i know what im gonna do.

18 years and we are where we are not where we could/should have been

18 years.

life changed for us all.

saddam hussein had his lil picnic in kuwait. and he brought with him a lot of toys - them lil tanks, those fighters, guns and a whole lotta people toting those guns.

bastard. dead bastard.

monday nite early this week, the only sober nite.



lolllllllllllllllllll