grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
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snaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrlll
in the words of corey:
I've felt the hate rise up in me...
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves...
I wander over where you can't see...
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed...
damned right im pissed off.
i ran. so far. so fast. i ran.
on my way to IT, i thought id just do a fly-by. all i wanted to do was say hi. and i did. and then it started. sitting across each other and i was caught in the middle(i was standing there of course). the subject can be so sensitive. we all have our views on it. some have very distorted views, or so i believe. having said that i do have an open mind. i am willing to hear, in order to get a feel of what the other has to offer. and if i dont like it, welllll, i dont. you may disagree with me, shoot me down just because we differ. i may be outnumbered, but i will stick to what i have chosen.
perhaps S n me shouldnt have tried to mess with dragon lady - that there was error #1. then we tried to defend our choices - that was error #2. S began telling me of what he'd done for her and she didnt appreciate his efforts. then he told her of similarities of her choices and ours - error #3. i think this was around the time she pulled out her gun and began to wave it violently in the air. we still didnt notice that.(we're guys, which means we reserve the right to be blind to the obvious). it was only when she pointed the gun straight in our faces did we realise the error of our ways(all 400 of them ways. yes 400. by that time everything we said was wrong). hmmm, this was when all hell broke loose. "uh-oh".
i ran. so far. so fast. i ran.
i bet she knows kung fu too.
now tell me what is so wrong with porcupine tree?
the evening turned out to be great. we gathered(threw him a surprise party) to honor(?!) a friend, son, brother, comrade who will soon begin a new life.
the dip was so amazing, the alcohol relaxed, the music was great. and i actually participated in some of the party thingys.lol! and then i did, dare i say it, the unmentionable(well almost). i danced. slow danced even. sheeeeshhh, how drunk was i???
all in all the day was good. an end to a week that thrived on misery.
thank you very much TM n VM. you guys almost rock, but then u dont, u pop!!!
201007
i got to ride in the back of an ambulance. speeding along to the hospital. i was holding her hand. talking to her all the time. the paramedic told me to keep talkin to her. and so i spoke.
she didnt recognise me as i spoke to her. she thought i was one of the paramedics. answering as many questions as i could while he was filling up the form, the ride got me feeling dizzy. my head still hurt for a few hours after the hospital trip.
i didnt smoke much that day.
my chest didnt hurt much that day.
221007
news that good certainly deserved celebration. was already planning it when the phone rang a few hours after. matter of life and death. lose one in order to save the other. by continuing, we would have lost both mother and foetus. decisions made. life continues. life ends.
we spoke of books read when we were children. as a child i found agatha christie too complicated. the same when i was growing. but edgar allan poe - havent read all his works{note to self, buy all EA Poe writings}, he was contagious. he did frighten. but not in a way conventional. more to do with deep rooted psychosis and emotions buried deep. resurfacing into fear that is individual. stephen king came much later in life as did dean r koontz. i was 8 when i really took an interest in reading(didnt have m/any friends). i think that was a good thing. i would spend as much time as i could in the school library. but the real gift was when i would walk into a bookstore. walking thru the aisles. very slowly. i didnt want to miss a book. there was home.
life is passin us by, passin me by. and what have i got to show for? not much. perhaps nothing. born alone to die alone, along the way we meet people. i have met some interesting people this week. some dangerous, yup there was one who actually had me feeling a tad bit unnerved. and the funny part is he wants to do these things to people with actual criminal intent. not just saying things, but with enough weight in his words. that is something i can recognise. and im rarely wrong. my good ol' spidey sense hardly ever fails me.
MH
too many visionaries? maybe not enough? what if most of us were visionaries without any revolutionary plans? there are those that inspired along the way, but how many among us are willing to work on a spark because we simply do not possess that kind of belief system or we just think we do not have the time to invest in a tireless and sleepless world. will you take that chance at walking out of your comfort zone just to follow your dream, your ideal - to make that difference or at least have a shot? and do this with nothing in hand. most people i know will never do it. fine they may talk about it and there is the all too real fear of ending up with nothing to show for. but then isnt that what life is all about. you live in monotony, do you want to die in monotony? what about going to your grave with as little 'what ifs' as possible? there are those times when we be stuck going in circles, but after passing the same stop a few times it makes it easier to just step off.
i will step off. and if i stumble so be it. yeee-haaaaaa!!
before i forget, this evening on my way to the cave, theres this 11 year old whos listening to staind. and he thinks staind is the best band in the world. they maybe good, but maybe hes a bit too young to be feelin the angst driven vocals of aron lewis.
right now tho, them donuts be tastin mighty fine and vicariously i, live while the whole world dies, you all need it too, don't lie, why can't we just admit it?
holidaze, that is.
welcome break. and i hardly answered my fone. it was on silent for the most part. and so nice. and i didnt get to do what i planned, i.e. watch a lot of movies, weeeeelllllllllllllllllllllllllll..........i slept thru most of the weekend.
the temperatures have dropped quite a bit. winter, winter where for art thou?
me:excuse me but i think someones left the water running and its made its way out onto the floor
that:what sir?
me:i think someones left the water running and its made its way out onto the floor
that:what sir?
me:theres water on the floor{somewhat annoyed}
that:i'm sorry sir i don't understand what you're saying
me:look, you know water?...
that{nodding}
me:...theres a lot of it on the floor{...1...2...3...4}
that:i'm sorry sir, i cannot understand what you're saying
me:just send somebody upstairs
me{die, die, die u moron die!!!!!!}
so somebody may have slipped and broken their neck. i did my part.
so the day starts beautifully. the weather is great. on my way to work and im thinking i shud be playin cricket instead.
i take the bus to work. i recognise a lot of faces, i try n figure how some live their lives. for a while i thought something happened to the old man, he greets all the familiars in the bus. then i saw him a few weeks ago. i think he finally quit. a person that old shudnt be workin, he shud be spending his time with his grandkids(maybe hes doin it now), but situations and circumstance, them be the big killers.
there have a been few additions to the regulars.
the MIB. sometimes they are the MIG(men in grey). and some other times they are the MIRDG(men in really dark grey). one of them, the skinny one with the spiky hair makes me look fat! and the other one is big and never smiling. hmmm, both of em are never smiling. they just walk to the stop and board the bus. then they take their seats. big guy closes his eyes, folds his arms. skinny guy looks out the window.
then theres the 3 boys with suits and their laptops. they board the bus before i do. im willin to bet - new arrivals in the country. hair so neat, shoes so shiny and damn those suits so neatly ironed. need to find where they get their suits laundered.
how can i miss the girl who pulls her hair back so tight(her eyebrows are where her hairline shud begin), i wonder how she manages to do that everyday? botox?? the route is new to her, she always counts stops before she gets off, not too familiar with the area.
i like travelling by bus. its the trip/journey.
be very nice to the people you dont like and hey, wonder of wonders, you feel good inside. I rarely be like that and maybe i should do it more often.
just saw the simpsons movie. it didnt have its usual brand of funny, there were those moments but.... thanks to MRC n ZAM, i now have a ton of movies to watch this weekend. muahahaha
and a rare today was. i had a bit of free time. no follow ups, nothin much. maybe i woke up in another dimension. dunno. whatever it is, i had to look busy. got most of my updates done, finance issues taken care of, IT issues sorted for the moment, logistical nitemare is a bad dream for now, loss prevention doubts cleared....hmmmm.
so tired, barely slept these past few nites, but i feel good.
lately things don't seem the same,
actin' funny but I don't know why
'scuse me while I kiss the sky.
i should make peace with all, everyone i know....starting with myself. all?
I know I know I know what is inside
ramadan is just about done. which means i can kill myself in public again!!
business has been excellent.
also working on some projects outside of work. driving me crazy, but then im already there!!
and looking forward to the long weekend. plan to stay in bed most part of the day and yes watch a lot of movies. i plan to be lazee and work on future plans.
its gonna be make or break. as of now, from where i stand, i dont have much to lose, so whatever the outcome........
i hate this.
stupid kids.
they had to fight in my cave. the police are here now. don't know whos fightin who. theres blood. damn. this so sucks.
im dying. i kno it. im dyin............aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhh!!!
ok so maybe im not, but it sure feels like it. hate feelin ill like this. dont really know whats wrong, didnt wanna eat me cheese burger this evening. and i luv cheese burgers. i didnt even wanna look at a donut. like i said im dyin. i guess this it, i can see the white light. maybe i shouldnt be walkin into the traffic then! ok there goes the bright light.
i want my mama!!!!!
new blog additions:
and he steps out of the shadow only to reveal the light is merely an extension of the dark - walk the edge.
serious readophile and "drifter" - the mirandian chronicles
God good. Food good.
Yesterday went to this new italian restaurant. alforno its called. i refer to it as alporno.
got to the place(in one piece)with a kooky friend. the drive to the restaurant was hmm, er, ...... we're still alive, so thats all that matters. when one decides to cut from the second to fast lane straight to the detour which is two lanes away, i guess there is this ever so slight degree of risk involved. especially since traffic out here does not like to travel less than a 100kph on any lane. having said all of this, id still get into a car with her in the drivers seat.
she let me eat all her dessert(for that act alone she gets an A+++ in my books). also met the manager of the place. hadnt seen her in months(we work in the same company, shes in casual dining, and i work fashion). she was lookin as good as ever. still has that crazy glint in her eye. our waiter(they sure pick em young these daze) was one of the most eager and kindest people ive ever met. and he suggested right all the time. and yes yes yes! goat cheese rulz. what was the name of that salad again? and ive never seen beef sliced so thin, it looked like tracing paper - mmmmmm thinkin bout it reminds me, i need to eat something. anyways we(TR n me) were both thinkin the same thing thru most part of the meal. she was thinkin wine, i was thinkin beer. we were eating italian, so how can a meal be complete without pasta, because TR didnt finish hers i got to clean it all up. muhahahahaha!!! sheeeesssh, my mother was right. she used to refer to me as the bottomless pit.
when the lights went out, our waiter comes over and says "its a romantic setting". he didnt notice my blank stare in the dark.
look i kno im no good when it comes to describing places i visit n so forth, but this restaurant deserves a couple of trips at least. and i give it a good rating simply because i didnt get poisoned!!!
today i plan on something a little more simple. something iranian.
