wow! been long.

and yeah gettin to fubar cuz i have proof

ok. so the body may only be able to absorb soooo much. byte me.

realisation. true realisation. i caused it. damn! see that mirror crack. always had it.

i stood there. 15 minutes. blank. for once in my life there was nothing going thru my head. i had nothing. i have nothing. hot and humid. i stood there.

when i finally decided to hail a cab, i found it difficult to move. i got into the cab. the cabbie pulled out a few tissues and handed them to me. sweat just pouring.

i failed.

again.

yeah sure...er, wait! what?

you know its real when you see them flutterbies in the wind.

dont forget them "helicopters", works out in ways (in a state of freedom) we cant even decipher.

and they get to where they must be.


been busy
been an asshole
been drinkin like the world depended on a despondent liver
been destructive

looked forward to nothingness,
and all that it has got to offer
looked back at what could have been,
and so happy that it wasnt
looked away from the flash that nearly blinded
and thats when i caught a glimpse
looked at my hands and then my reflection
and i couldnt help but smile


if this is what there is, heck, i know where i wanna head even if i dont kno where im goin. perhaps the recent business trip provided for a change i didnt want but so desperately needed. puttin things into the proverbial perspective. the soul search ride into the desert sun and the near breakdown in the middle of nowhere. funny. hey dude u got ur projector. did i ever mention that when the dnb kicked in, the tablas sounded even better? there are no feelings but a rather matter-of-fact"ual" resonance.


"we dont do that here"
"U dont do that"
and so blah-di-blah-blah-bllllllaaaaaaahhhhh

if i knew, id quell the monster.

stifled

lookin back

most trials are inconsequential.
confiding to the wasted, what was there is now. and my toes and my fingertips, numb. so numb. but i can can actaully feel as i wave.

"yeah, ill get it done. theyre gonna get the info before they get to work" {before im supposed to be at work}

and i fell farther than ever before and f*** me, i feel even more alive.

u see what kills lets me live n see. if execution of rebirth was as easy as the shit that billy "im gonna rape ur soul" gates sells, then i am as real as the next order cycle without any changes. and damn u bastards for pushin shit that no one wants with lies and inflated articulation. why cant they see it? cuz the bastards sold their souls and u have in turn sold the souls of ur children, to prove a point. bite me. ur ineffective, because i see thru u. ur effective because u got me hands tied behind and on my knees.

im not lookin back, it is now.