look to the uncertain future...take the leap

2010-01-31T20:05:00.002+03:00

wow! been long.

and yeah gettin to fubar cuz i have proof

ok. so the body may only be able to absorb soooo much. byte me.

realisation. true realisation. i caused it. damn! see that mirror crack. always had it.

2009-08-19T18:33:00.002+03:00

i stood there. 15 minutes. blank. for once in my life there was nothing going thru my head. i had nothing. i have nothing. hot and humid. i stood there.

when i finally decided to hail a cab, i found it difficult to move. i got into the cab. the cabbie pulled out a few tissues and handed them to me. sweat just pouring.

i failed.

again.

yeah sure...er, wait! what?

2009-06-29T20:47:00.003+03:00

you know its real when you see them flutterbies in the wind.

dont forget them "helicopters", works out in ways (in a state of freedom) we cant even decipher.

and they get to where they must be.

been busy
been an asshole
been drinkin like the world depended on a despondent liver
been destructive

looked forward to nothingness,
and all that it has got to offer
looked back at what could have been,
and so happy that it wasnt
looked away from the flash that nearly blinded
and thats when i caught a glimpse
looked at my hands and then my reflection
and i couldnt help but smile

if this is what there is, heck, i know where i wanna head even if i dont kno where im goin. perhaps the recent business trip provided for a change i didnt want but so desperately needed. puttin things into the proverbial perspective. the soul search ride into the desert sun and the near breakdown in the middle of nowhere. funny. hey dude u got ur projector. did i ever mention that when the dnb kicked in, the tablas sounded even better? there are no feelings but a rather matter-of-fact"ual" resonance.

"we dont do that here"
"U dont do that"
and so blah-di-blah-blah-bllllllaaaaaaahhhhh

2009-04-08T21:09:00.000+03:00

if i knew, id quell the monster.

stifled

2009-03-23T19:41:00.003+03:00

lookin back

most trials are inconsequential.
confiding to the wasted, what was there is now. and my toes and my fingertips, numb. so numb. but i can can actaully feel as i wave.

"yeah, ill get it done. theyre gonna get the info before they get to work" {before im supposed to be at work}

and i fell farther than ever before and f*** me, i feel even more alive.

u see what kills lets me live n see. if execution of rebirth was as easy as the shit that billy "im gonna rape ur soul" gates sells, then i am as real as the next order cycle without any changes. and damn u bastards for pushin shit that no one wants with lies and inflated articulation. why cant they see it? cuz the bastards sold their souls and u have in turn sold the souls of ur children, to prove a point. bite me. ur ineffective, because i see thru u. ur effective because u got me hands tied behind and on my knees.

im not lookin back, it is now.

2009-03-21T22:30:00.001+03:00

"There must be some kind of way out of here
Said the joker to the thief
There's too much confusion
I can't get no relief"

2009-03-20T21:53:00.002+03:00

there are times when all u wanna do is scream....

well i try to sing
and it scares people. my landlady heard me, er, sing. her daughters heard me last nite. the younger one knows, so shes ok with it. the older one asks me today "what was that noise? was it a really scary movie? lots of monsters?"

hmmm, ok i dont sing...i listen to metal and i growl.

so it scares people. hm, i may be on to something here.

2009-03-16T20:34:00.001+03:00

nucking futs!!

do or die!!!

lol!!!!

i so dislike em!!!!!

at least i ll know!!!!!!

my happiness is slowly creeping back, and im not a happy smiley type person

2009-03-13T22:07:00.004+03:00

Will you stand above me?
Look my way, never love me
Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling
Down, down, down

just love that song....

ive finally got a room again. today was clean or eventually sink. and now i see floor and no more clothes, and no more empty bottles, and no more cds/dvds and i realise living out of a suitcase is that one cant really see what they have or need. and thats when the suitcase got lighter. anyways, i can move again. so i now have reached a whole new level of enlightenment and roominess.

and i actually have a bit of a personal life. its been too long and ive forgotten what it feels like. i am beginning to appreciate things. ok fine, all that ive been hording for so many years isnt gonna take a back seat, but i have a personal life and i like. i still cant dance, oh well at least i can headbang. thats a primitve form of dancing for those not in the know.

i like.

crawl to scrape knees and then roll over n play dead....possum!!!

2009-03-02T19:36:00.002+03:00

its been 5 years. and a day.

got reason(s) if nothing. and it makes sense. always did but didnt really want to accept.

ive tuned into launchcast and its been a good trip. theres bands n music from the nineties, brings back memories. grunge and its evolution, pearl jam and alice in chains(yeah sure nirvana, good, sorry but i think they be over rated)and the discovery of the best electronic outfit ever - the prodigy.

anyhoos, krashers is now a mutant. and im happy for mon ami stinkhead. God bless compadre!!!

thats two so far this year, the first being doc.

and no matter what, "man"kind always loses. but God bless to y'all and keep on rockin the free(?) world.

and yesssss, im drinkin n bloggin officer!!!

and im gettin home cooked food for lunch now!!!!

being lost when u cant only makes me think, why am i even bothering?

seriously tho, i wish the world would change.

and i am doin all i can...........are u?

2009-02-07T14:55:00.003+03:00

okay, now ive learned a few things.

one being thou shalt never fall asleep when visiting a scalp artist arena aka the barber shop.

you see i fell asleep once before and i got an amazing haircut. two days ago, i fell asleep and when i woke, i got hair that stands like i stuck me finger into a live socket and there are bits that can put ol rip van winkle to shame.

oh well, perhaps i ll do a warhol and start with a collection.

and on the cricket front our boys are doin themselves proud. it is always tough beatin sri lanka at home. all teams that tour will not disagree. but this time round, well the scores speak for themselves.

another thing ive learnt is that even if u think like ur boss, hes gonna disagree and say the exact opposite. perhaps bosses like to think they think differently by doing the exact opposite of what u say and dont realise ur merely mirroring. so much for self inflicted and yet unconscious "kickin urself in the family jewels" stupidity.
"uh-huh. shore thing bossman. whatever u say"
"not whatever i say"
"but didnt u just say..well never mind, ill get it done" {cuz im a yes man}{see i agree with u even mentally, im such a good employee}{yeah right f**k me! im the annoying bastard u cant get rid of}

he don't know, so he chases them away
Someday yet, he'll begin his life again
Life again, life again...

muscles....u the man
cookie monster....ull never kno
addu....the cheeseburger that changed my life
sla.....ur right ur my good friend
powderfinger....so rulz

hm, perhaps i shudnt drink n blog.

sue me

lol

God bless y'all

2009-01-30T14:32:00.002+03:00

so we're at it again.

we dont even need outsiders.

bastards, the whole lot.

its the weekend and i wanna be stress free, hence i shall listen to my new playlist and give comfort to my liver with a bit of a binge trip tonite.

ill nino - I am loco
36 crazy fists - slit wrist theory
abeueda - don`t be a frog
acroma - motive
all out war - destined to burn
all shall perish - promises
all that remains - not alone
animosity - saved
another animal - broken again
arch enemy - incarnated solvent abuse
as i lay dying - forever
august burns red - a wish full of dreams
belie my burial - august underground
black light burns - coward
Bloodlined calligraphy - Shall we dance
brand new - the quiet things that no one ever knows
bring me the horizon - second heartbeat
buckethead (feat serj tankian) - we are one
caliban - the beloved and the hatred
cancer bats - pneumonia hawk
carcass - heartwork
carniflex - collaberating like killers
chimaira - indifferent to suffering
coal chamber - something told me
corrosion of conformity - albatross
course of nature - anger
crazy anglos - fade
crossbreed - saints of grey
Crossfade - No Giving Up
dark new day - bare bones
darkest hour - the sadist nation
Days of the New - Enemy
deftones - simple man
deicide - imminent doom
demon hunter - i play dead
devildriver - i dreamed i died
die trying - the 6th day
diecast - torn from within
down (ft pantera, corrosion of conformity) - stone the crow
dredg - penguins in the desert
dropbox - wishbone
dry cell - grape jelly
dry kill logic - paper tiger
earshot - wait
eighteen visions - paradise city
element eighty - pancake land
elysia - theocracy
emmure - a fist fight with dick tracy
senses fail - calling all cars
endo - simple lies
evergreen terrace - sunday bloody sunday
every time i die - pretty dirty
falling up_crashings - new hope
fear factory - replica
filter - hey man nice shot
five finger death punch - ashes
Flyleaf - Broken Wings
framing hanley - hear me now
frankenstein drag queens from planet 13 - the witch is dead
full blown chaos - so cold
Godsmack - Realign
hatebreed - i will be heard
heaven shall burn - destroy fascism
high on fire - turk
hurt - ten ton brick
i killed the prom queen - dream as hearts bleed
in flames - only for the weak
jimmies chicken shack ft aaron lewis - falling out
job for a cowboy - day in black
Killswitch Engage - My Last Serenade
kyuss - one inch man
lamb of god - omerta
lifer - swallow
machinehead - all the names
meshuggah - straws pulled at random
ministry - lay lady lay
monster magnet - negasonic teenage warhead
mortal treason - a call to the martyrs
mortal treason - feed on the weak
mortal treason - khampa nomads
motograter - suffocate
mudvayne - fucking determined
Mudvayne - Happy
NOCIVO - Esperanza
nonpoint - the wreckoning
norma jean - bringing a knife to a gun fight
norma jean - shaunluu
OperationRock - Hide Your Love
opeth - demon of the fall
overkill - the years of decay
pantera - 5 minutes alone
paradise lost - mouth
percance - sigo de pie
Pillar - Frontline
pin drop violence - get 'em off
pitchshifter - shutdown
postmortem promises - self righteous
priestess - performance
primer 55 - set it off
primus - my name is mud
pro pain - death toll rises
probot - red war (feat max cavalera of soulfly)
Project 86 - Me against Me
revelation theory - take away
Scars of Life - Purity
sevendust - denial
Shattersphere - Inside My Head
sick puppies - issues
silent civilian - wrath
skillet - rebirthing
slayer - bloodline
slipknot - duality
SOLNIC-Mascara
South_of_Nowhere-Correspondences
spineshank - beginning of the end
staind - crawl
story of the year - until the day i die
stutterfly - gun in hand
Submersed - Hollow
subseven - emotion
suffocation - blind torture kill
suicide silence - distorted thought of addiction
the acacia strain - the widowmaker
the agony scene - eyes sewn shut
the almost - say this sooner
the boy will drown - deepthroat isnt a m
the bravery - believe
the dillinger escape plan - sunshine the werewolf
the faceless - an autopsy
the prom kings - alone
thornley - falling to pieces
threat signal - inane
throwdown - declare your war
to die for - immortal love
tom morello feat wu tang clan - Ain't Nothing Da Fuck Wit
underneath the gun_the awakening - faceless
unearth - unstoppable
unida - left us to mold
war of ages - broken before you
widowmaker - killing time
winds of plague - reloaded
wolfmother - tales
zao - ravage ritual

most people i know wouldnt even get near this music. well, at least the bands write their own music, play their own instruments and they talk bout what life is really like. and it brings me some peace.

what say bach?

2009-01-23T13:20:00.000+03:00

well somethings gotta give. i cant bloody well go postal can i now? but the thought is there.

outside of work, life has been good to me.

theres so much to write, so much to talk about....but for another time.

alls i kno is, its good to feel good. and i want this forever.

2009-01-17T14:48:00.002+03:00

the future is HERE and i missed it.

2009-01-10T21:29:00.002+03:00

if i said the last 3 weeks of my life were simply great, i would be lying.

it was beyond that. i have discovered, let go, cared for, drank like it was the end of the world, worked like existence as a whole depended on it, touched, was touched, looked deep into the eyes of.., opened doors, laughed, hated myself even more, learn to live with, walked to the moon n back, re-lived and came out bruised, fell........and i dont want it to end.

carpe diem

sip sip, and i have a new....?

2008-12-29T15:43:00.004+03:00

i made new memories. xmas eve. i made new memories.
i did.

oh yeah, gonna try n make eggnog, i finally have everything i need. oh wait, im missing the victims.hm. by victims i mean connoisseurs. hmm, those wont be hard to find.

its just a matter of hours and theres 365 potential disasters looming. in my line of work make that 6 million, what say miran?

disasters aside, life has been very good lately except at work which has been 'rather mundane'(so british....so brhi-ish). i discovered a bit of peace, somebody made me realise being a monster is not so necessary and most importantly the wall might not actually be as impregnable as i thought.

theres been so much happenin and at the same there isnt much to talk about.

gonna try, this weekend im gonna pick up a book and read. havent done anything of the sort for such a long time. but i will try.

and yeah, f*** off, i am a nerd. head banging nerd.

make or break? make. made.

so i cud let myself out

kickin n screamin, and there never was any reason.

the mirror shrieked.

13 hours of binging. hangover from hell. and smiling.

miss u even when im with u. let urself out. im waiting.

He listens.

we are responsible.

u make me happy, even for a few hours.

hi ho silver away

...The one that carries the worlds tragedies alone...

blood on ur lips......next time, duck - u stupid bastard!

blades that cut are blunt

smile

slit that wrist

piss on that fire

nails that scratch the board

currently 14 shots down and i got to work tomorrow.

the gremlins did it

somebody tell me what the hell is jambi?????

slaughtered

devour

the f***** grass was greener because of the landscape artist

kma

i would wish it all away

62000000

theres no focus here, is there? read between the lines, cuz it so points.

shoon, miran, curly, stinkhead, jujup, ill see u guys on the other side. God bless and hope ur gonn be as drunk as i am breakin in the new year. the last thing i wanna see is the ceiling, lol.

the 2.5 days bombay stood still

2008-12-02T11:01:00.007+03:00

when i begun writing this post all i had in mind was what happened to us last week. i had 60 hours in mind. to me that was blood on OUR hands. we all let it happen to us. we cant blame anybody else. because we are complacent. we are easily subdued, we are always looking to please. we want to do what is right in front of the world because we are what we are. because we are a peaceful people. but peaceful people dont have to compromise to fit into a global society. the very same society that treats us like we are a spill over. there is no real reason for tears to fall, the fact is we are just pretense. always lions at home. we will attack our own, kill our own. murder our own for reasons political, for reasons that defy moral thought patterns. but when we are attacked, when we are slaughtered by outsiders, we cry out to the very same we killed(read very carefully and understand).

in a way we deserve what has happened to us. we have provided. the outsiders sought this and we gave into them. we cant ever unite because our puppeteers wont relinquish. we are willing to be brainwashed. we are a SCARED lot, we are. the pillars are but a few. and we will interview their families and write posts on how this has shocked us and disgusted us.

let me make this clear, if the enemy is involved (and there are indications) - we must declare war and FINISH THIS. and if you think violence is not the way, tell this to the families who lost their own.

what follows is what i wanted to post initially.

a couple of evenings back, i was walking around. for once relaxed and not the usual "get-rid-of-the-agitation" walk. and i saw:

(this was in a store) a man clippin his nails and after being politely told by the attendant to not do that, answered back real rude like that he was going to buy the nail clippers.{and and whos gonna buy your nails?}

a lady that definitely had trouble walkin in those stilettos. but she did it anyway. it made her breasts jiggle. i think that was what she wanted. all male attention and female too, but the latter must have looked with a "is she that desperate?" look or perhaps "i wish i could be like that" look.(ok i didnt really look at her boobies that long, i was lookin at the amount of face paint she had)

the man who stands outside his store ogling at most women who pass by. hes got around 60-70 strands of hair on his head and he does the spiky look thing. really. i first noticed him sometime last year.{loser}{still loser}{makes me feel all bright n sunshiny}{loser}

a woman cryin so bitterly. but lady if u had paid a little more attention in holding hands than shopping u may have not lost your kid.

the new sandwich from hardees is really not bad.
she:"ser, we have new sandwich, do you want to try it?"

me:"ok"{still looking for the biggest combo meal i could find}

she:"meal, ser?"

me:"yes please and no ice with the drinks annnnddd extra salt on my fries please"

she:"woujuliike (she said it like it was one word) to try our curly fries?"

me:"how is that different from your regular fries?"

she then proceeds to get me a "sample" of curly fries. and it tastes different. its coated with spices or something of the sort before getting dunked i suppose.

me:"ok, ill have those. how much?"

she:"ser, blah blah KD"

me:"here u go"

she:"ill get it to your table"

me:"ok great. thanks"

she:"this is ALLLL new"

me:{this had better not be stuff that some one didnt eat and u decided to pick from their tray}"huh?"

she:"new ser"

me:"whaa..?"

she:"new meal ser"

me:"oh ok. ill be seated over there"

............
............

and i dont feel much like drinking since i began my mini holiday.
the cold is finally here.

2008-11-21T17:02:00.002+03:00

sleep eludes. again.

the minds blank.

repelled by lifes polarity

2008-11-14T13:30:00.002+03:00

hangover!!! nice term that.....oh well its the weekend, so its fine. ill recover.

finally got my little project done(but thats only part one of two). it took a while. and tho im not really happy with it, the bosses liked it. congratulations et al. said it will "increase my market value", to which i retorted,"it would be better if i get a salary increase", to which he said,"haha", to which i thought,"i wish i had a gun, haha".

some good things have happened this week. and for some strange reason, i didnt really care about some of them. i mean, yeah, theres relief but....priorities have changed. thats a given. ive understood for some years now that wants are just that, wants. but when a need is fulfilled and the feeling to it is numb, was it really a want all this time? nah, cuz, i analysed, then i dissected, then i put it into a jar and added water and shook it(just to see what would happen), then i took it out and squeezed the excess water out of it, then i left it to dry. conclusion - it was a need and i didnt care.

need a vacation. real soon. so in light of that, have a little break comin my way for a few days. no emails, no phones - just me, my liver, and a whole lotta movies. oh yeah some food too. my only hope is that the temperature drops by another 10 degrees by that time. so love winter. there is something so serene about it. and when its gets cloudy with that cold breeze blowing, yeah.....

whats a jambi?

blue skies, pink champagne, yellow fever, black death......yup the colors of life

2008-10-11T13:39:00.005+03:00

hmmmmm, whatta week!!

busy busy busy!!! its hard convincing ops your bonus is on the line as well. look my bonus aint much, i mean i cant buy a car(cash down) or a bike. fine, an xbox is easy but whos gonna buy me that huge screen i want and those speakers?

its been a good two weeks on the personal level. things have looked up and i really like just being. and yes the whole world isnt out to get me, only some part of it is {blech}. guess ill have to use the force and make them stew in their own misgivings(read: monkey puke fermenting turd). hardy har har!

and im now as colorful as a rainbow regurgitating a totally unbalanced meal (read: kinda bright). seeing as i gots me some colored tees. not the usual fare namely black, actual variety - no drak greys even. damn think im turning into some sorta flutterby now(did u know an angry butterfly will chase you for at least a quarter mile). thats not going to stop me from getting a suitcase (i dont own a dresser/cupboard/wardrobe)full of black tees. heck, ive even found a place thats gonna print whatever i want on it. muhahahahaha! er, ahem. yeah. so now i dont have to tell people stuff, ill just point to my tee. being the good boy that i am, i dont intend on printing any obscenities. now that would be just down right, er, obscene(read: they would haul my butt to jail, shave my head)(hmm, i do have a steel cup now, so...). heck i can always mouth off profanity and gesture. i have a bit of know how there(read: i will swear at you till the day u die every chance i get, and yes, even in front of ur kids).

am so looking forward to the new week, for reasons i cannot mention, and work is going to be a challenge absolute (read: its gonna be a bitch).

till whenever.

settlin into life a day at a time

2008-09-30T13:59:00.003+03:00

it has been.
pleasant.
and i have enjoyed.
it aint hard as it used to be. used to feel.

i recently got me self a steel mug. the kind one would see in prison movies, the prisoner rattling the thing against the cage. conspire with other prisoners, then beat up some prison guards and set things on fire and start a prison riot. and still hold the mug.

anyways im gonna take it to work (and in all likelihood embarass people who know me). cuz i like the mug and i think its cool. i always wanted one of those. now alls i need to do is ensure the thing gets dented.

yeah, im gonna drink starbucks coffee out of it. im already drinking out of it, but it aint no starbucks(hehehehe). hmmm, starbucks coffee actually sucks. it does. but then i needs me mornin cuppa. and well, we dont have to pay for it. so im cheap. sue me. they do however make a great hot chocolate. and if ur ever in the middle east - seef mall, bahrain makes the best hot chocolate. but the best hot chocolate in bahrain is at the airport, costas know how.

eid is finally here, which means back to full working daze. at least food is now available, so come thursday, i order food from the usual joint. around twelve i will get a call -
moi: hello
the voice: hello, fhoodh is cohme

my usual. lentil soup with irani flat bread and the chefs salad. for the unintiated(cant remember if ive mentioned this before and too lazy to go back to any early post to check) its dal fry with irani kubuz (which is kinda like a tandoori roti, but much bigger). the chefs salad is generally a mish mash of sliced n diced tomatoes, cucumbers, cabbage, carrots and some other green stuff. and im gonna quench my thirst with water, thats in the mug.

as i post this im lookin out the window and the sky is an amazing blue. its still quite warm outside. and im listenin to candlebox.

candlebox - into the sun. get the album. the band are back after ages and have still managed to retain quite a part of that early 90s alternative sound. theyve evolved. yes. but that bluesy feel is still there. nice familiarity goin there. im listening to the album. again. and drinkin out of that mug.

still here

2008-09-12T20:46:00.003+03:00

accidents apart, lifes good!!

sunday, returning from work we went from crash, oh shit, everybody ok to it could have been worse. and it could have been.

thats another car crash i have walked away from. hmmm, that makes three.

VIM was upset. his car after all. but look we walked away and thats all that counts. better than getting stretchered away.

there isnt much happening here on account of ramadan. and the weather isnt helping any. having said that, today is better than it has been the last 24 days. the humidity has been constantly exceeding 90% and the heat is still on.

oh yes, thanks to my sister, i realise we are related to 61 people (and growing). its this family tree thing. and it is really quite interesting. i have relatives i had no idea even existed. heck, for the ones that do exist, i had no idea.

boo-yaa.

2008-08-29T10:48:00.002+03:00

human relationships are the most diabolical!!

i like the relationship i have with a tv set. i know where im headed. sometimes the batteries of the remote die, but they can easily be replaced. tvs dont misunderstand. they take you for what u r.

tv sets are simple.

we re not.

u kno ur alone......

2008-08-22T11:01:00.001+03:00

u know ur alone when
-theres no one else to take the last train home
-the clickin u hear is an echo in the emptiness
-the mirror cracks with no apparent reason
-the coffee machine spits out sludge
-tomorrow is a deadline that will never come
-there is only one trail
-the hollow siezed up
-the salt tasted like a bitter pill
-apathy is ur friend, friend? apathy is u
-the bomb that blew everything up didnt
-ur shadow never existed
-ur heart started beating
-the devil smiles at u and takes ur last glass
-that eight ball stops just before the pocket
-smearing ur face with ashes was tribute to the living
-regurgitating is entertainment
-that blade shined so
-the wall stares back at u
-the theory holds true
-all that blood u see is not urs

grow up sometime

2008-08-16T13:10:00.010+03:00

when we were in school we wanted to be doctors, teachers, firemen, astronauts and whatever. i think when i was growing up i just wanted to be. i look back at and realise i didnt have that kind of dream. there was an obvious inclination but no real motive - i wanted to join the air force. later it was to be an architect. but if these are "dreams" that fade quickly then its not what u want/need to be.

what made me gave up my air force pilot dreams? there was a little accident that altered my life completely and i had no intention of ever being part of ground crew. and so there i was a kid, without a dream and i wanted to be just like other kids. and eventually i decided upon architecture(hmmm in retrospect that would have been a scary move. me a designer of machine or structure that could just explode). what made me change my mind? i didnt want to study anymore. or perhaps i realised i wanted to be unlike the others. my identity is the only thing that is mine.

shud i give that up to be part of a cliched bunch? be accepted? flow with the tide? there are times when this thought cannot be silenced. it is hard going against norms. last year a friend said this much "let the storm cease, then swim safely to shore". makes sense. question is if i wait for the storm to cease, will i get comfortable that i let the tide take me wherever? not for long. because whats inside cannot be quelled.

so if ur an outcast, heretic....take heart that u were never to be understood by the masses but by beings who transcend the superficial.

peace.

right now im thinkin, when i grow up i wanna be indiana jones. or the mighty boba fett. or spiderman. or master chief petty pfficer john-117.

2008-08-09T14:19:00.004+03:00

sleep eludes. what else is new? ive been putting my liver to the test for nearly two weeks now. and yeah, its worth the trip the mind goes on. i am inspired by things most ordinary and the words that flow are, er, infantile at best. lol. (shoon u read)but in that i suppose there is a certain amount of simplicity. and kids generally speak and see things as they are. i dont wanna grow upppppppppppp! peter pan syndrome here.

got shinedown's latest offering - the sound of madness. now this, lay these gennlemen, is good!!
wrap me in a bolt of lightening
send me on my way still smiling
maybe thats the way i should go
straight into the mouth of the unknown

facebook has really helped. i mean i have been able to locate the long lost and vice versa. and it feels good to hear from people who u think might be dead or abducted by aliens or part of some strange government experiment.

when u know crossroads approach, what are u willing to do to further ur journey?

i know what im gonna do.

18 years and we are where we are not where we could/should have been

2008-08-02T16:38:00.003+03:00

18 years.

life changed for us all.

saddam hussein had his lil picnic in kuwait. and he brought with him a lot of toys - them lil tanks, those fighters, guns and a whole lotta people toting those guns.

bastard. dead bastard.

monday nite early this week, the only sober nite.

lolllllllllllllllllll

we loves the desert, yes we does

2008-07-25T19:46:00.003+03:00

ok i tried.

but blogger didnt let me post a couple of weeks back.

last week wanted to but didnt really get the chance. last week also saw me get closer to me grave. the day was hectic as usual but the night was exactly as planned and expected. i believe i reached a point when i could actually donate alcohol. and of all the pix taken, none can be proven beyond a doubt that it was me. damn!! tattoo was a giveaway!

made some new friends. this friend making thing aint so bad. what is bad is the weather. it is absolutely killer now. the humidity has decided to make an early entry. its bad enough the 50 degree mark is crossed so consistently, but to add to it??!! labour law stipulates that if the temp touches 50 degrees it is a day off. but strangely enuff, weather reports always only say 48 or 49 degrees. last year when the temp soared to over 55 degrees (and i have proof), ther was the electricity drive thingy. which meant we had to switch off or they shut off for a while. a country this rich and this small has not seen a new power generator built since sometime in the 70s.

meanwhile, new building (skyscrapers to be a little more precise) construction has been going berzerk. now the amount of water used and the electricity is not taken into account. this year its save water. im sorry to say this but expat population is more aware of this than the locals. we were brought up to understand the importance of conserving and saving. it is unfortunate, the local population doesnt see things the same way. not saying theyre all the same. but the ones who know and understand are vastly outnumbered. i guess it is a place for all things to die. it IS a desert after all.

that outta my system, i have been constantly lacing my blood stream with, er, hm, "different water". mostly weekends really. finally found a tattoo artist who can be reached. most leads chased were dead ends. ive seen the guys work and his detailing is fantastic. now alls i need is to finalise what i want permanently etched into my dermis.

right now tho, stoner rock is the only way.

if it doesnt kill you, its only gonna weaken you to kill at a later time

2008-06-20T21:11:00.006+03:00

hmm, been a while.

4 weeks.

let see now.....

theres was satan bug attack. which left me down n out.

then there was food poisoning.

then a bit of a head cold.

yup i am definitely jinxed.

we said good bye to a colleague last week.

said hello to another who was back after her 2 month hiatus.

and our department shuts down in a few weeks which means the team is all gone now. as good as anyways. i will coming full circle in a manner of speaking. lookin forward to that. i guess.

last couple of weeks saw me attend social gatherings. somethin i usually avoid. last week i ran into a class mate after 18 years. our conversation began with the usual swearin. somethings never change. lol.
also managed to track another classmate after 21 years. when we were in school we started this newsletter. and the others wud luv readin it. we took it one step further. we made them read using an australian accent. ahhh good times!

crap im gettin oollllllddddd. then last night i met two old friends - vodka and white rum. we partied till the wee hours of dawn. i think i like my life now.

i have been doin strange things of late. i am trying to mix with the human race. clipped my hair very short. almost bald and it was very comfortable. trimmed my chin beard to almost non existence. wearing light colored shirts(at work still remains the same), smile more than 5 times a week. spend around 12 hrs straight watching movies or tv shows. yup, i definitely like my life. for now, that is until something happens and i want to go totally postal on everyone.

so until whenever....i have some web slingin to do.

"fall into sleep...."

2008-05-16T12:44:00.006+03:00

you know its one of those days when......when WHAT????

been off this week. got me what i wanted - plenty o' rest. had time to think and rethink. demons can be a very funny thing, they either stay or they stay.

nirvana was over rated.
tool will elevate surrealism to a level most incomprehensible by joe public.
dislike boys bands.
hate britney spears even more.
the loathing i feel for that hilton waste .......!!
poetry is over rated, the true poet will die in obscurity.
the soul is undetermined.
art is almost always lost in comprehension.
there are never enough.
time is warped beyond dimension.
God is disappointed.
the mean old man down the street was abandoned.
the lady next door longs for attention.
whenever i look at you alls i see are two pits that have long lost their drive.
objects in mirrors ARE reflections.
i mirror your persona and be hated for what you see.
when that baby cried, it was only uncomfortable.
so you got lost, guess what? you never got past the starting line.
death staring you straight in the eye wants you to find reason to live.
embrace drugs.embrace alcohol.embrace the devil.now youve got nothing to lose.
she cried because she was trapped in her own misgivings. she didnt kno better. i didnt tell her.
the president is responsible.
my revolution is on its way. am i willing to die for it?
"what makes us behave in this way? dont think just move..."
you looked at him like he was your raison de etre. he saw right thru u. i shud have spoken.
when a person is going to die, pay them that last visit. the guilt goes to ur grave with u.
all your achievements mean squat when ur dead.
the other"so, did you miss me?" me"no, not really"
pessimism is just another term the optimistics like to use when reality gets too hard.
she lied.so did i.
you were most probably raised to believe that one of lifes constitutions was to sleep thru commercials.
distance heals. time prolongs the healing.
life is undervalued.
death is your destiny.
immortality ate thru the rust.
immortality is your 15 minutes.
tomorrow is the end of the world, do what you have to today.

smile and the world thinks you're high on something

2008-04-19T12:45:00.005+03:00

you know nature conspires against you when the weekend is constantly plagued with dust/sand storms. why weekends? go figure. bad for business as well. im not a picnic-person but i am a take-a-long-walk person.

anyhoos, was out on thursday night. formal affair it was. and i thought it was going to be a dry weekend. not so. and i slow danced. again. i am so sure that one day i will step on a womans toes and crush them. you see, i cant dance. damn. women take advantage of guys who are inebriated.

it came time to take stock, where we are as opposed to where we were a couple of years ago. some of us have moved ahead. some have remained, sometimes out of lack of any clear direction brought upon not by themselves but rather by guiding force(s). it leaves a bitter taste. there is support for some but none for another when all are deemed equal(??). fuck you! there is no such thing, and to say there exists such a state conceals a very obvious color and gender bias. that one is not ever capable of committing any errors and the blame must always fall on those who do not belong. well then pardon me for not ever wanting to be part of (y)our society.

what is truly sad is that most of "us" want to be part of it - to belong. part of a mass. where you lose your identity and then you want to impose your ideas and ways. look its very simple, since we have free will and freedom to choose, let me choose what i want to do and when i want to do it.

"REBEL SCUM"

4 seasons, nah......make it 6/7 or something like that in one day

2008-04-12T14:43:00.004+03:00

the sky is falling!
the sky is falling!!

and it didnt....
but what did happen was niiccccccccccceeeeeeee.

mother nature unleashed a little bit yesterday evening. just a few minutes and damage like nobody's business.

first came the dark clouds. saw that coming.
then came the lightning. ooohhhhh definitely saw THAT!!!
then came the dust. saw that coming.
then came the winds. saw that coming.
then came the absolute sandstorm. couldnt see hand two inches in front of face. didnt see that. couldnt see that.
then the hail. definitely didnt see that coming.
then the flooding of the streets.
all this in 10 minutes.
and then just like that it was over.

headin back to my room and all along the broken path it looked like cluster bomb attack. i made my way to the udupi joint, and i didnt think they were gonna serve food. glass all over the place. well dearies, when there is that kind of pressure build up on the outside, open windows/doors to equalise the pressure on the inside. dont and you will have glass or light walls caving. so dinner at udupi was out of the question.

chinese wok. they looked ok. no damage. so i went and i ate. then the girl tells me the building had a water tank tip over and flood the roof and the stairway. oh well, the noodles were good and nobody got injured or died. then the girl decided she needed someone to talk to. and i listened, but did she have to tell me of all things some females are subjected to and have to do in order to survive? hmmm.

there was the usual debris like antennae, dish antennae, glass, tin roof, cars that had holes punched in them(due to flying metal bits n pieces), cats.....

mother nature. for all her ferocity, so rocks!!

clone encounters for the ra kind

2008-04-04T16:39:00.003+03:00

dozed off a couple of times in the workshop/introductory session yesterday at work.

and for the first time ever, i had absolutely nothin, yesssssss, NOTHIN TO DO AT WORK YESTERDAY!!!!!!

my dear colleagues decided to impart(unleash is more the word) all of their infinite wisdom today. was given tips - unanimous it was - as follows:

1)my chin beard must go. so i havent let a razor touch my chin in six years. trimmed the beard regularly.....but its only been 6 years......damn! ok will give it a try. this had better work.

2)must smile(i do smile, on the inside)

3)must get more colors in my wardrode(i think its just about pefect right now. hmmm, do shades of black count?)

4)spike my hair(maybe use it as a puncturing weapon thingie)

5)be optimistic(that i am already. my optimistic nature tells me the glass needs to be filled so that i dont go thirsty. my optimistic and positive nature tells me we're doomed. im positive about that)

6)must buy ferrari(only one? im supposed to impress members of the opposite sex)

on a different note, it does feel nice, if nothing else, that people actually consider your work. they may not say it out loud or seem to not acknowledge, and that can be a real downer, but i reckon if timed is great for the ego and self belief system that most of us rely on. sometimes you have one of those daze and then murphy's laws decide to kick in to add a sore in an already itchy place.

then there are moments like yesterday wherein it makes all the madness worth it. fleeting moment, but worth it nonetheless. i ll take it. just like i ll take that last brownie. mmmmmm. brownie good.

2008-03-29T15:13:00.002+03:00

i was gonna but decided against it, so there.

yawn, burp, yawn, scratch male parts, yawn.....

2008-03-22T14:10:00.004+03:00

today is the last of a series. a series of days off. been a while coming. and i got to sleep as planned. a lot. back to guantanamo tomorrow.

so i walk in to ye olde donut shoppe and then....i see it. the biggest croissant ever. the mother of all croissants. the girl behind the counter called it a turtle. well then a turtle that looks like a croissant is what i eat. muahahahaha! {ahem}

{i wonder if i can get the whole thing down in one bite.....nah, maybe when i was younger, the good ol daze when we wuz young.}

while i trip on kyuss, i look ahead to face yet another uninspiring week.

woo-hah. im so excited.

in other news, i have actually been asked to write lyrics for two albums. metal/death core even. hmmm. my non-existent writing skills now come to the fore. i have already got two songs down. 36 to go. at least.

MD round the corner. hope i gets me stuff so i can buy.

2008-03-19T14:44:00.002+03:00

i shot an arrow into the air
it fell i know exactly where
the childrens' screams
were no mere dreams
with "love" from: the landmines of despair

my name is shimotetokufu katanorimotoarimo / themvstheothers

2008-03-14T15:16:00.005+03:00

the other day i called my colleague fat. shes not. in fact shes a poster child for what models look like. that got me thinking.

now im kinda thin. there are times when i get even thinner makin me a lamp post model (see i make fun of myself as well).

so back to my point, if someone who is not fat or thin (average joe) were to make fun of me, i would have to take it. but if the same person made fun of someone who is overweight, it would be frowned upon, makin average joe an insensitive person. for that matter if i were to make fun of a person who is overweight, that would put me in class of A1 jerk offs.

now if the overweight person were to make fun of me, i have to bear it. and this ok!? is it that only over weight people have some sort of social stigma attached to their girth? if some of them have psychological issues, medical issues - can't a person who is under weight have the same issues?

i cant gain weight easily, i lose it very easily tho. i cant help that my metabolism leaves me this way. i cant find clothes to ever fit right. too loose, too short(skinny n tall, thatd be me), oh yes and i cant find shoes to fit right even.

whats my point? er, i forget. the new flavor of the week at the donut shop made me forget.

on a easier note, i got somewhat plastered last nite. now that, laydeez n gennlemen is the right way to kick off a weekend.

and if u want to know what ur name is spelled like in japanese as in the title, use the table below. just received this in my inbox.

A - ka
B - tu
C - mi
D - te
E - ku

F - lu
G - ji
H - ri
I - ki
J - zu

K - me
L - ta
M - rin
N - to
O - mo

P - no
Q - ke
R - shi
S - ari
T - chi

U - do
V - ru
W - mei
X - na
Y - fu

Z - zi

judge not...er wait...judge away

2008-03-06T20:18:00.004+03:00

fear not
for i am metal head
i come to you with hope
that you may understand
the meaning of all that rocks!!!

you know if God didnt want us to head bang, He wouldnt have given us necks.

when i was growin up(like i ever will!), mom used to give freedom to choose whatever. she always knew. instilled in us the difference between right and wrong. good and bad. times have changed. our need to survive supercedes any and all. what if someone does something wrong but the motive wasnt to cause harm but to help? are we allowed to be judgemental in our approach? what if all the reasons are not clear or correctly interpreted? by being judgemental have we not cast the first stone? it is also very easy to accuse one of being judgemental. inherently we all are.

i am frequently accused of being judgemental. perhaps i am. what if im not? i have a constant need to explain my questions or actions, because people wont get what im trying to say or do. why do i do this? to "fit in". fit into what? as long as i can fit into my fav pair of jeans, nothing shud matter, right?....right? we're constantly battling ourselves and others to prove a point, when the greater cause is ignored. what is the greater cause? somebody tell me cause i lost the plot somewhere along the way.

when most of us begin this journey, we seek. in these times of blantant advertising, can it be that we've missed what we were lookin for in the first place? and then we stray. is it accident? or the truth of greater forces? is it all a lie? what if the lie was the truth? the truth definitely lies in the lie. or is the other way round? why did i ever do what i did on that fateful day? did i not think of consequence? yes, i did. did it matter? yes it did. then why am i holding my head in despair? why am i fighting all that flows? why am i fighting myself?

when the fight ends, who will emerge victorious? i reckon, the truth that lay dormant in the darkness that the lie created.

"I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity"

crash boom bang?? almost...

2008-02-29T14:04:00.003+03:00

looking back, its been a restful week. got quite a few days off. when i finally got back to work, didnt really kno where to start. my dear inbox can be a nitemare.

last week saw a dragonfly, sign of spring. days are gettin warmer. me no likey. me want cold blistery winter .obviously aint gonna get unless i move up north. way up north. hmmm, will do that someday soon, i hope.

was challenged last week to go five days, not morose or morbid or say anything negative. i survived. perhaps i will continue. there may be something to this happy happy cotton candy thing here. at least till it makes me sick. and then i return to my mr. snide complex. muahahahahahaha!!!

i guess i got a lot to be thankful for this week. on wednesday after work, we're driving homeward and just before the sheraton roundabout - strange noise from vehicle. slow down. pull over and examine. the tyre was almost ripped to shreds. another three minutes later and we would have been on istiqlal street, doin maybe 120/130 kmph and if the tyre had decided to give way then, we wouldnt have seen our salaries.

is worth it then? work a whole month, try n spend time with family/friends/laptops, rush thru days in order to get work done.....to nearly not make it to see a paycheck. it is. tomorrow is the end of the world. do what u have to today. jujup wrote of mortality recently. hmmmm. perhaps a seer she is. perhaps a fluke. which ever, mortality and vanilla ice cream can be so similar. by itself so bland, but theres so much one can do with it.

tomorro i watch hot fuzz and the war of the worlds(1953).

lets go to plan b - ES this had better work!

2008-02-26T15:56:00.004+03:00

i've already spent time in delirium

i have got an extra day off. which means a lot of sleep. so that puts me in a mood to take the world by the scruff of its neck and shake it all about. hmmmm.

i have been blessed with a lot of good food too off late. and though i've eaten enuff to feed a small nation, i have gained no weight whatsoever. my pants are still dropping and i dont really bother, as long as theres clean underwear, everythings ok!

kuwait celebrating its national day and liberation day - this can only mean one thing. two actually. one traffic is backed up all the way to kingdom come on certain arteries. the other, there are morons with snow foam cans waiting to spray passers by and cars with that gunk. it is an offence, but like really now, the police are gonna arrest these guys? not in this lifetime.

oh yes, being the shy guy i am {ahem}, theres this girl see. and i can talk so easily to her friends and i dont kno what to say to her. me??? me??!! i always have a thousand things to say but i dont kno what to say to her except "hey, h u doin? hows work? hmmm."

work - hmm that reminds me, our unit is now smaller. today is the last working day of ZAM. gonna miss her. yeah sure shes always screamin at me, but then if she wont who will. and theres BM, his last day with us is thursday. sure is gonna be a lot quieter around. oh well lifes like that and we march on, right? right?

i finally saw "the day the earth stood still" and for those who havent, please do. its a classic and what it has to say is quite simply, hmm, important. released 1951, me thinks this movie at that point of time, post WW2, really tried to push what could, in a manner of speaking, actualise. will wait for the 2008 release of the same to see if the movie makers can offer the same quality that the original did 57 years ago. also saw absolute cheese, "plan 9 from outerspace". 1959 release. this movie has been deemed one of the worst ever made. it is surprising though, that there are movies still released with the same set of substandards that plan 9 used.

there have been a few movies i have seen that have had a profound effect. one of the more recent ones being "v for vendetta". perhaps movies with dystopian themes are not very different from reality. it appeals due to the harsh lines/stance taken by society and the justice system(?). and it makes sense absolute. we're not far off.

meanwhile metalcore is the way to go.

see point 10

2008-02-08T17:48:00.000+03:00

the past couple of weeks have seen tragedy, shock, wtf incidents and more.

hmmm more.

1) saw a toyota echo a few days back. yes the ugly toad on wheels. and it had a spoiler. i wonder, if that car does a 130 kmph is it gonna rip itself apart? i think i want one. not.

2) on my way to the smoking room, and i saw someone stare really hard at the screen. so much concentration. like wow. really. like wow. the screen was blank.
me"staring at the screen aint gonna make words appear....you have to punch them in"
she took a swipe at me. what'd i say?

3) and the award goes to.....my boss. for scaring the shit out of us. and then managing to scare the shit back into us. you have to hand it to him, he has a way with words. and his delivery was very very very good. damn ,when i grow up i wanna be just like him.

4) i had a new lust interest in life recently. and before it even began i got bored. in retrospect i should have just shot myself. 12 times. at least. what were you thinking??

5) mortal treason so f****n rulz! and if anybody wants to dispute that, do it in my presence and i will rip their tongue out and put it in a blender. then douse it with lighter fluid and set it on fire. i will proceed to collect the remnants and make the person eat it.

6) and yes!! i went shopping last week. got me a couple of shirts. guess the color and you can get me a free drink(dammit i want vodka). went shopping a week earlier as well. got me a pair of cargoes and jeans. guess the color again. and three tees. now guess the color of my new tees.

7) made a new friend and she needs to learn one of the most important things in life. she says she doesnt know how. burping is so essential!

8) saw the fucktards on tv earlier this week. nice, really nice. beating up people and destroying property. yes the thugs are back with a venegeance.

9) The loss of sound the silence waits
The loss of sight the darkness waits
The loss of touch the coldness waits
Don't think just move

10) when a guy says it looks fine, it looks fine!!

i see hope

2008-01-25T16:33:00.000+03:00

in the words of sarge - "todaaaay is a good day to go to church"(the words in italics can be replaced with whatever you want)

woke late. showered. picked up my bag and ran. wasnt gonna miss the 12.30 service!! and it was already 12.05. 10 minutes later and no cab in sight."thats it, im gonna miss the 12.30 service".

then came a bus. "public transportation so rules!!!!!" reached the church vicinity in 12 minutes."niiiiicee!!" the area around the church is under heavy construction. as i was makin my way to church suddenly noticed almost all access routes were blocked off. there was just the one access way.

"12.32" and to get to that i would have to go all the way round which would take a lot of time. there was this group of ladies just behind me. we stood there for a few moments. then one of them climbed down the trench and walked on the exposed pipes, climbed out. they helped each one out. finally i made my way across. as i reached the end, i suddenly saw this hand reach out. i looked up to see the first lady who made her way across . she smiled and helped pull me up.

i have never in my life been offered help like this by a lady.

so there was nothin that was goin to stop me from attending service today.

it was more than worth it. of all days today it was worth it.

ramble ramble

2008-01-24T18:47:00.000+03:00

its been a long month and it still isnt ready to quit.

ran into a friend today after a long time. havent seen her in months and i run into her a few times today. she looked beautiful as ever. and the best part she still retains her craziness which is so her.

didnt feel like doing much at work today, it was a bit of a slow day. by my standards. received maybe around 18-19 phonecalls, only 68 in the inbox, fixed some issues, got shipments weve been waiting for into central warehouse, learned how to do a smiley trick, was very nice to turkish delight, laughed out loud and a few times, smoked like it was the end of the world, had lunch alone(for the most part), decided to shoot myself if we persist with a certain supplier, dreading doin laundry this weekend(i think this is how hills start out), india did well enuff on the first day.....

the cave is very pleasant today. not many people in which is just the way i like it. the music is good. that reminds me, for those into indie meuzaac, check this out. he is an old friends lil bro(who aint so lil anymore). crisp sound, and you feel the beatles come straight thru, moby hints....best you check it out yourself.

you kno when sometimes you sittin there starin into space, BAM! it hits you. you shouldnt have left the window open on account of the dust storm. hmmm. early this week, decided to let off some steam and i walked. it was a couple of hours later that i realised i had walked bout 13kms. it felt good. i need to start doing this some more.

theres these 3 idiots sitting in front of me. well these 3 amigos are all picking their nasal cavities like its a competition. damn, i guess theyre just like roadkill. u wanna take ur eyes off but u cant.

ooooo. hottie!!! yeah!! at least i dont have to look at the NPNA(to the uninitiated thats Nose Pickers Non Anonymous) candidates anymore. PHEW!! she comes in now and again. now its time to look cool. straigthen back a bit, no leanin back into comfy comfy seat, drink coffee without slurping.....who am i kiddin? i aint gonna talk to her. im one of those really shy types. yup that i am.

last word: if u aint me, u just aint.ooooo boy!

to all those opposed....bite me!!

2008-01-18T17:44:00.000+03:00

its been beautifully cold. single digits for the most part. i like.

thursday is dress down day. the day we work dressed casual. wore a sweat shirt and sand/beige cargos. meaning i wasnt dressed in my usual dark attire. and i was also very very nice to people yesterday(for a change, wasnt my growling morose self).

then it began.
"oh ur dressed in light colored clothes today, awww" {i had an answer to that but i held back}
"i see ur not wearing black" {excuse me fucktard but i just wanted to wear my sweatshirt)
"see, u look better when ur not wearing black" {die die die!!}
"..........."..........

all of that made me want to throw up. okayyyyyyyyy, enuff of this nice to everyone crap, and then i was my old self again. it felt better. a lot better. and i had a colleague laffing when i announced my plans for taking over the world (notetoself:destroy her first).

gonna watch zeitgeist tonite.

10 days on

2008-01-10T18:20:00.000+03:00

havent blogged since sometime last year....and that has sooo changed my life, not!

the year started out with me being very attentive to my liver(and i dont think ive done it any permanent damage!!)hehe.

if this is just a primer for what the year has to offer, then i dont kno if im gonna see the year thru. whatever, aint goin down without a fight!!! so bring it!

other than work related disasters, life has been pretty much the same. u see, after work, i get back to my cell and change into my superhero costume - jeans, t shirt, my gloves and heavy duty jacket(on account of the really really really cold weather). it hasnt dropped to zero yet, at least not in the city. back to my superhero gig, so after work, and once ive changed into my superhero costume i prowl the streets for something to eat and i found this place last night. 50 metres away and i can smell my food burning(and it was burnt), knew he poured me the wrong drink and found one piece of something that was supposed to be chicken in my chicken soup. it is a place where people go to clog up their arteries, get heartburn and possibly destroy the lining of their stomach. yes, sometimes we must eat at places like this. why? simply because the food actually tastes good. no brown bread, all greasy and burnt(not too much tho) and if youre lucky they just might add a lot of salt. this is the stuff of life.

we have but one life to live and do we want to live without having
that really greasy cheeseburger,
that soft drink,
those greasy salty fries,
those deep fried onion rings,
all that white bread,
red meat,
whole milk
smokes
alcohol
coffee with full cream milk and 8 sugars(at least)
science fiction and horror
.......

sometimes one questions their existence and when left with no choices (i always see one with finality absolute), is there any need to go on? and if everything, and i mean EVERYTHING, goes wrong - what then? and you cant crawl inside that little hole and hide yourself away even for a short moment - what then? i think i got MY answer yesterday. God help me......and He did.

follow your heart

2007-12-28T18:16:00.000+03:00

i heard it today.

and i was listening.

i will ride into the sunset.....

it all started with a donut

2007-12-27T20:35:00.000+03:00

perhaps i was in the twilight zone. yeah, thats got to be it.

she must have been one of the most beautiful creatures i have ever seen, if not the most. what made it better was that she had two boxes of donuts and a bag full of french bread. manna from heaven. i dont think it can get better than that. fresh bread and donuts. God, if only she had some chocolate cake, then id reckon she was an angel. so she gets to the door before me and holds it till i get there. both hands full. she holds it open with her elbow. and she smiles. and i go "uh, er, uh, thank you". smoooooooth, real smooth!!

sheeeeshh.....

got an extra day off today. making it a three day weekend. dont have much to do. actually i do, but dont feel like doing much of anything. just wanna laze. plan to the same tomorrow as well.

the week has seen the temperature drop. and you know its cold when in the morning you finally crawl out of bed and your testicles decide not to join you. only because its warmer under the blanket. it dropped to a degree on sunday and monday saw the temperature at 2 degrees. still i prefer the winter to a hot summer day any time. the only uncomfortable bit is when one steps out of the shower. i suppose a shower at 5.30 in the morning isnt exactly the way some people would like to start their day, especially so on a cold cold winter morning.

with news of the assassination of benazir bhutto, i would like to formally state that if i dont die of natural causes, i would like my death to be termed an assassination. the assassination of RA by Phillip Morris. hmmmm. yup thats how it should read. if this be the season of peace and love then why does violence push and shove its way through the traffic? the season has been highly over rated. i dont know that the Big J would like the way things are. and just because the church, the clergy, the political mafioso of all things religious deem that the 25th of december is the birth of The Saviour, it means that that is the day. two words - prove it.

commercial establishments have ensured that the Big J's commonly celebrated birth date, is to bring about economic prosperity to a certain few. well then merry corporate christmas to one n all. how many actually gain from it? do we have to wait for this day or this season to be all warm and friendly and full of cheer? one does not have to be the grinch to know fact from corporate fiction. that we need special days to celebrate or emote is dismal. ours is a dystopian world. plagued by unintentional dreams and relative fatigue.

Eye on the TV
'cause tragedy thrills me
Whatever flavour
It happens to be like;
Killed by the husband
Drowned by the ocean
Shot by his own son
She used the poison in his tea
And kissed him goodbye
That's my kinda story
It's no fun 'til someone dies

Don't look at me like
I am a monster
Frown out your one face
But with the other
Stare like a junkie
Into the TV
Stare like a zombie
While the mother
Holds her child
Watches him die
Hands to the sky crying
Why, oh why?
'cause I need to watch things die
From a distance

Vicariously I, live while the whole world dies
You all need it too, don't lie

Why can't we just admit it?
Why can't we just admit it?

We won't give pause until the blood is flowing
Neither the brave nor bold
The writers of stories sold
We won't give pause until the blood is flowing

I need to watch things die
From a good safe distance

Vicariously I, live while the whole world dies
You all feel the same so
Why can't we just admit it?

Blood like rain come down
Drawn on grave and ground

Part vampire
Part warrior
Carnivore and voyeur
Stare at the transmittal
Sing to the death rattle

La, la, la, la, la, la, la-lie

Credulous at best your desire to believe in
Angels in the hearts of men
Pull your head on out
Your head believes it give a listen
Shouldn't have to say it all again
The universe is hostile
So impersonal
Devour to survive, so it is
So it's always been

We all feed on tragedy
It's like blood to a vampire

Vicariously I, live while the whole world dies
Much better you than I

25th december is the birth of Robert Ripley, Atal Vajpayee, Nawaz Sharif, Marcus Trescothick...we can celebrate their birthdays. at least that is confirmed and fact. hmmm....merry vajpayeemas or sharifmas or trescothickmas. interesting that.

the Big J was here to save and we maligned.

eh?...say again?

2007-12-21T16:08:00.000+03:00

its freeeeeeezzzzzzzzziiiiingggg!!! and i like!! daze like these i luv. cloudy and cold. unfortunately the rain is kinda messin up my idyllic dreams. still the temperature drop has been quite fantastic.

for now there be many questions that plague most of us mere mortals such as:

1) first and foremost, why do mannequins have nipples?

2) is santa claws the illegitimate spawn of a grizzly and satan on a drunken nite out?

3) did frosty the snowman really sell all those drugs to kids on the street before one of them decided to empty his bladder on frosty?(poor frosty he didnt kno what to do, he just started to melt away)

4) and when granma got run over by a reindeer, what was she doin standin the middle of reindeer street?

5) why did mommy kiss santa claws? was she messin around with him? and where was daddy at the time?

6) dear dear rudolph...u were shunned by ur clan and when they found a use for u, u went straight back to them!! why was rudolph so desperate for attention by his kind when all they wanted was his nose?

7) most importantly, why would anyone want a big hairy guy come to their house in the middle of the nite to, er, deliver presents? santas a paedophile.

so remember boys n girls the truth is out there. and so is santa.

seasons greetings y'all!!

smoking helps....really it does!!?! you believe that??

2007-12-20T11:46:00.000+03:00

standing in the cold, sipping on my chocolate milk and smoking my life away...i thought "whos been the most influential people i know, and in my life?" good or bad. they did influence.

back in my room. wrapped up in my blanket.
hendrix is playin

so people walk into our lives to
- change our belief systems
- question our motives
- ruin our lives (rise from the ashes to either seek retribution or learn to be wary)
bad company playin now {i like my new play list}
- better them
- help us see. we are blind and deaf most of us
black crowes playin now

i have learned from my father. the man is a very hard worker. will not miss a day of work unless he cant get out of bed. work hard and straight.

i have learned from my mother. to forgive(it took me all of 32 years to do that). observing my mother i have actually learnt a lot about how a woman operates. me thinks my sisters and their friends also helped there. {i may not necessarily exhibit, play dumb and learn more}. my mother is a very strong woman, she may not realise, but for a woman to go thru what shes been thru since she was a child and then to raise us. respect man! absolute!! if ever the term one man army applied...this is it. stand your ground, take up the challenge and fight. even if youre alone. your strength lies in the simple fact that you are able to achieve.
lynyrd skynyrd playin now

i have learned from sister carmen mary. she taught me when i was in fourth grade. its a wonder i still have my ears. she always pulled them real hard. i think the real lesson was not in the new words she gave us everyday but the very exercise. challenge the new and gain!
motherlove bone playin now

i have learned from mrs. mathulla. she taught me when i was in 9th and 10th grade. a friend and me once got into trouble. for a crime we did not commit. he came over to my place and told me about the problem. we left immediately to mrs. mathulla's place. had to have our names cleared. what surprised us - she knew we didnt do it. and she spoke to us for a very long time. and that day she asked a question(which i think was pivotal in the shaping of our lives then) it made us think and we moved to a different line of reasoning. {RK, dude, i knocked on on your door when all these years you were seeking mine}. and damn i shouldnt have taken my mother to the PTA!!
wishbone ash playin now

i recall meeting this person in a pub and all he said was "there is no such thing as luck, only perseverance". there was MG and she once told me "get to where to you have to. even if it means you only have a dollar left in your pocket". the GM of a company "what are you without the brand name?". that guy "take me to your parents. they need to know what their son is doing with my daughter!" {lol, it is funny now, not back then}. VR, in front of class,"the hardest working person this semester has been <"ahem"> ra" {that was a bit face reddening}.
candlebox playin now

there were others things said, but for now i choose only these.

i have learned from my previous relationships you cannot trust, regardless of the situation. i have given chances, have to take into account human nature. results have more or less swayed the same pitch.
pearl jam playin now

perhaps some of the biggest influences since i was a child - music and books. the books went away, they will be back soon. not having too many friends has its +s.

when i finally grow up i wanna be wayne rainey.

introspective....yeah i wish

2007-12-18T23:36:00.000+03:00

ok....i am smiling...and its official.

the team went out for lunch courtesy the TED. he may drive us crazy, but works work. la porno!!(ok its actually al forno). made a mention of it sometime back. place is great. food is good. dessert is great. bill paid by boss - the best. credit where credit is due, our brand is new, we have our teething issues but then thats expected. and we have a boss who may drive us crazy, but you know what....his passion equals no other. and honestly(i cant lie here, im intoxicated, so that makes it even harder) i would not want to work for anybody else.

and i was good to turkish delight, damn did that woman have to hug?!?! for once i said something nice to her. maybe its the season, maybe it was a good day, maybe its hendrix or wishbone ash or bad company(im goin totally retro tonite), maybe its the fourth glass im on....there could be a lot of maybes. OR maybe its just realisation. bottomline, i should be nicer to people. admit, i am snappy(thats puttin it mildly). my excuse - too much work.

R, you know, give me till this weekend, santa and his henchmen will have a different ending. and krashers, you're gonna see the missing details. admit, it did end abrupt. there was a lot missing in between.

til whenever, keep on rockin the free(?) world.

santa and his little elves

2007-12-14T20:54:00.000+03:00

(shortened version)

the night was dark and dreary. on account of the terrific snow storm.

there was a stirring on the roof of the house of 8 kids. santa(satan claws) along with his henchmen, them little helpers were trying to make their way down the fireplace. after all that pushing and shoving santa and his boys were in the house. it was a nice house. the stockings were hung over the fireplace, the christmas tree had real silver ornaments, the furniture was definitely not ikea. antique furniture like that definitely doesnt come from ikea.

some of the helpers went into the kitchen. and some of them went into the cellar. one of the helpers noticed a couple of very rare bottles - a 1787 Chateau d'Yquem and a 1775 Sherry. he very quickly ran upstairs to santa to give him the news.

santa was in one of the childrens' rooms. they were so angelic when they slept like that. soon all the helpers were upstairs amd positioned themselves outside everyones bedroom door. santa pulled out his shotgun. the helpers pulled out their handguns.

screams filled the dead of night just like the sounds of gunfire. blood spattered walls, sheets, floors. no movement. silence. they took all they could carry and santa was on his way to next house.

HO!HO!HO!

the claw

2007-12-11T18:37:00.000+03:00

i have known the claw before she came to be known as the claw.

the claw as she is affectionately called by all her mutant friends (oh she has weird antennae growing out of the wound. like in resident evil, towards the end, when mac starts to sprout hair like structure from his wounds) turned out to be more dangerous in this condition. "with mutant power comes mutant responsibility". the claw used her new found mutantness to beat down at everybody who did not appreciate it. not me i wanted to see more. i was hoping to see something grow out from the gaping wounds. but it was not to be. and the claw didnt appreciate that either. a womans mind!

because one is different, it does not give them right to destroy. oh, i am not referring to the claw here. had someone else in mind. anyways, the claw, would drive us up the wall with her delusional yet endearing (<--i use the term very lightly and in a manner obscure, for fear of being ripped to shreds) idiosyncrasies. the claw used to threaten us before, but after her new found mutantness, she started flipping us off, growling even and those tantrums!!!!!!

today the claw will cease to exist. she loses her mutant abilities. that, however, will not stop her from scratching, biting, growling and general maiming and mutilating. she, i believe, has discovered a whole new side. perhaps added a new level to her existing capabilities. i will miss the claw. just as i am sure the claw has missed me many times already, i was always quick to get out of the way every time she took a swipe.

i think there is a school for people like the claw. hmm...thats from a movie. oh well, i yearn eagerly for the return of this "individual". meanwhile, i must take a walk, my lycantrope buddies await.

2007-12-09T20:54:00.000+03:00

thank you to those who tried helping out for the donor thing.

the boy has now got himself a donor.

a mighty God bless.

first time....awwww whoop-dee-doo....im gonna hurl

2007-12-06T20:16:00.001+03:00

this HAS been a year of firsts. and not in chronological order. write em as i remember em

first tattoo 28.06 had to do it!

first time been called a star(and they meant it !!!) 29.11 i was ahead of the game, and TS saw that. and on the 5th of dec was called it again by ZAM, did something for her and she said i was a superstar!!! oddly enuff, why dont i really feel good about anything?? im feeling somewhat despondent, perhaps non directional.

first time handling it all(well almost all) of merchandising jobs by myself. and yes i more than passed. 01.11

first time had squid 20.03 cant say i'll do it again. but then who knows

first time used chopsticks and failed miserably 13.06 some people, i reckon are not destined to eat using chopsticks

first time began writing free form poetry (if it can be refered to that way)11.02

first time ive actually joined any online communities 17.03 facebook turned out to be an interesting community after all. but for how long?

first time (yes mister u made a very good point on 24th july 2005) i can say yes yes and yes. i dont need a brand name to make it. guess i had a point to prove and i did. sometimes challenges may take time, even self imposed but then life is like a game of cricket.

first time i relied absolutely on the Big Guy and He was there for me 2007 November

first time i took a vacation from work. albeit a very short one 25.05, i was stupid, well im never gonna do anything like that again

first chapter of a book i dont know i will finish writing 15.01

i can recall these, my life is soooooooooooooo interesting. NOT.

2007-12-02T19:58:00.000+03:00

my good friend and colleague has a brother who needs a kidney.

he is 32, blood type B+

he resides in india

the family is willing to pay all legal expenses for someone willing to donate a kidney.

anyone who can help.....

my email address: rodney@alshaya.com

thank you all and God bless

2007-12-01T17:42:00.000+03:00

thursday......

we broke records!!! sales went thru the roof. the office crew - we were at stores during the weekend helping out. we needed a very high number to meet business plan for the week. and it turned out to be a cakewalk. we exceeded!!!!!!!!

u say "f* u", i say "yeah f* me"

2007-11-29T18:37:00.000+03:00

has been a pleasant week for once.

do i dare?

i will.

get ur dark glasses out for today i am a STAR!!.so sayeth the big boss. i havent had a chance to breathe at work the past 4 weeks. there have been dividends tho, our sales figures are excellent. how did i become a star(at least for a day)? i was way ahead of the game. way way way ahead. today was time to sit back a little and take stock. and yes i did what i am supposed to and more. now before the star - namely moi - turns into his usual black hole.....

"ur so adorable" {now really...}
"ur so sweet" {gag me, blind me and shoot me in the back of the head}
"ur adorable" {enuff already}
"ur so thoughtful" {yeah right, i had nothing better to do at the time}
"ur sooooooo nice" {damn u all to an air supply concert}
"u r the man" {oh that i am}
"u look so innocent" {notetoself:dont shave anymore}
"u look nice this way" {notetoself:work on anti social look some more}
i had someone bow before me {hmmm.....}

in a couple of instances, all i wanted was to get laid. damn!!damn!!damn!!

its freezing

im happy.

two cheeseburgers with fries and a diet coke please

2007-11-23T13:16:00.000+03:00

at macdonalds this afternoon.

cheese burgers. mind went back to some years ago ,when i used to work stores. one afternoon, my friend came along and said "i got something for you". "what?". and he pulled a cheeseburger out of his pocket, all wrapped up and kinda flattened. that day he wasnt a friend, he was brother. for life.

i like cheeseburgers.

and im it....now you're it............

2007-11-22T22:23:00.000+03:00

ive been tagged! again! shooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
okies here be the rules:

Link to the person that tagged you, and post the rules on your blog.

Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself.

Tag 7 random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs.

Let each person know that they’ve been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Seven Random and / or Weird Things about Me.

1) im indian (like u didnt know that already, but its a start. ok im alien, in a manner of speaking - i come from a different dimension).

2) during summers, i sometimes shower 4/5 times a day.

3) i am always miserable. not much makes me happy. i do have those very rare moments of happiness absolute and i treasure them.

4) ive been told i mumble too much. therefore, i am the mumbler. now all i need is a cape and i need to wear my underwear on the outside. hmmm, also refered to recently as "hilarious evil overlord". thought for food.[burp]

5) i know more girls than i do guys and im still single. that so sucks.

6) i like watching movies at home rather than at a movie theatre.

7) i cant take my mask off anymore.

there my soul lays bare and exposed. to the world. the cruel world. the world of vampyres.

and now i must pass the torch, but i dont know 7 people, this is all i got:

- mon ami stinkhead. very intelligent and he IS a true metalhead

- drifter and romantic. beware the wrath of this little package. she scares me.

- pepper. she got a dog now. shes crazy and tattooed. so that makes her cool.

- smiley. cuz thats what she always does. smile. that sickens me. shes a good kid.

- muanki girl's mama. she'll be back shortly. on vacation. and definitely not drinking any beer. damn!!

reality bites....you in the ass and thats a big piece!

2007-11-15T20:43:00.001+03:00

strange day.

started with the usual. and it took all of 4.5 hours to sort it. it can get very tricky when dealing with suppliers from different parts of the world. however, it got done. thats what im paid to do, and thats what i did. got it fixed...got it done.

i have been walkin around in a funk for a long while now. mostly keeping to myself and grunting and nodding and hhhmmmmm-ing. this afternoon, i got back to my seat and the fone rings. see, i cant remember when the last time something like this happened. someone made time for me without me asking!! and she wouldnt hang up until i spoke. she wanted me to talk and just let it all out. hmmm. now that is a wee bit difficult. still she didnt hang up until we decided that i needed to talk to someone. hey, im surprised and grateful. Thank you AF. a rarity that.

shes right tho. that im gonna talk about it.....welllll, i dont kno. i dont.

and in other news - there aint none. hardy har har! hyuk hyuk too!

ok psycho girl is back. a month long hiatus. things cud get very tragic. and becoz of the seriousness of her situation, i held back. we usually make fun of each other. she is the sparta girl and im the guy who only wears black. but now that has been put on hold. i tried to make her laff. wait, i did make her laff. i always do. and she missed me for that. whoop-dee-doo. somebody missed me. usually its my suppliers who miss me when they have to get paid. thats when they show all their love by sending me tons of emails. like i dont get enuff each day already.

theres a lot we take for granted. or sometimes theres things we dont even think about because it just is. when there is that very real possibility of losing one of our senses what does one do? just sigh and say its fate or look for alternatives. but what if the body rejects it, then what? it puts things into perspective - to a certain extent. flipside - cyborg time!!{sorry cudnt help myself}.

i received this today. agony aunts can be so helpful.....

i think im in love!! miriam!!!!

the walls gettin higher.....in isolation i die

2007-11-08T18:48:00.000+03:00

been a long week.

and i found out i am so good,and dont even know it.yep!!

works been drivin me crazy but im so drawn to it. there be many voids to fill and work has always been a great filler. feelin agigated lately and i dont kno what to do.

met wit some friends yesterday evenin and we went out for dinner. to a restaurant that specialised in nothingness. we spoke a lot about work. i dont have anything else to talk about(i like to work, i like my job, i just wish things were fair, but thats racism for you). and the girls threatened me. "we wont go out with you if u keep payin" {sue me}. hey if u dont wanna go out......

i am still feelin somewhat ill from last week. i havent had time to recover, went straight back to work after i found out i could stand again. but then thats how im built.

last week im told not to hate the world so much. and not to hate myself. i dont hate myself, i just dislike a lot of things, hmmm, notetoself:shave more often. maybe its not the world i hate but the world i kno. and i kno i definitely dislike what i see. dystopian reality in an egalitarian dream!! hardy har har!! last week also had to go face to face. and i came out on top. but that still didnt change the fact that what happened was not right. im not right all the time, but when i am , I AM! deal with it you loused up fucktards!!

this mornin-

dipstick: what is that?[pointing to my forearm]
me: what...? [and i look past it and on to the ground behind me thinking hes pointing to something on the ground]
dipstick: that, that...[pointing again]
me: oh that, its nothing [i realise hes pointin to my tattoo]
dipstick: what longage?
me: japanese
dipstick: u speak japonese
me: no
dipstick: show me [and then the stupid pile of shit moves closer to hold my arm]
me: [moving arm away from him, see i dont like anybody touchin me, its hard enuff lettin people who kno me touch me. i dont liked to be touched by anybody. very few people allowed that. i dont go touching anybody, so i expect the same]
dipstick: what it means?
me: it means something
me: i have to go
dipstick: i just being friendly, no serious
me: {not in a mood for this u shitbag, really im not, go far away}
dipstick: show me show me {hes getting closer and tryin to hold my forearm]
me: why are u talkin to me?
dipstick: i just being friendly, just want to see. what religion u are? where u are from?
me: ur asking too many questions, and i dont like it. [very very annoyed tone]
dipstick: i just being friendly
me: i dont care, ur wasting my time and ur asking too many questions
dipstick: u dont like? [he had this look, bet he practised it a lot in front of a mirror, a look of surprise. surprised that someone doesnt want to talk to him)
me: no, i dont like [by this time, my voice was very high, walking away from him]
dipstick; oh ok, i will not ask question, why you angry?
me: {i wish killin dipsticks was legal}

great news this mornin, actually this afternoon, my bro (hes part of the fantastic four) got a lil girl. the strange part is theres this word (hyatt = life)stuck in my head from sometime last week. and guess what he calls her.....we spoke for quite a while. he may come down to kuwait for a few daze. we got a lot of catching up to do.

and finally for all those who want to quit their job but dont kno what to write....

Dear Sir,

Subject: Resignation

I Love Your Wife.

Thank You......... ...

GOD so rules!! truth be told here, i lag behind, disappointed and feeling condemned and angry, but HE sure knows how much punishment i can take and then HE pulls me out like nothing has happened and everything is sorted out. i may not be religious in a way conventional, ive had my share of x-file experiences with GOD, but what HE did for me this week and i asked HIM because there was no way out but a gun, and HE was there. HE WAS THERE!!

####

2007-10-30T19:58:00.000+03:00

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

******###### ******$$$$$
@@@@ #### @@@@ ####
@@@@ @@@@ @@@@
#### #### #### ####

snaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrlll

in the words of corey:
I've felt the hate rise up in me...
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves...
I wander over where you can't see...
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed...

damned right im pissed off.

all quiet on the middle eastern front

2007-10-26T18:41:00.000+03:00

i ran. so far. so fast. i ran.

on my way to IT, i thought id just do a fly-by. all i wanted to do was say hi. and i did. and then it started. sitting across each other and i was caught in the middle(i was standing there of course). the subject can be so sensitive. we all have our views on it. some have very distorted views, or so i believe. having said that i do have an open mind. i am willing to hear, in order to get a feel of what the other has to offer. and if i dont like it, welllll, i dont. you may disagree with me, shoot me down just because we differ. i may be outnumbered, but i will stick to what i have chosen.

perhaps S n me shouldnt have tried to mess with dragon lady - that there was error #1. then we tried to defend our choices - that was error #2. S began telling me of what he'd done for her and she didnt appreciate his efforts. then he told her of similarities of her choices and ours - error #3. i think this was around the time she pulled out her gun and began to wave it violently in the air. we still didnt notice that.(we're guys, which means we reserve the right to be blind to the obvious). it was only when she pointed the gun straight in our faces did we realise the error of our ways(all 400 of them ways. yes 400. by that time everything we said was wrong). hmmm, this was when all hell broke loose. "uh-oh".

i ran. so far. so fast. i ran.

i bet she knows kung fu too.

now tell me what is so wrong with porcupine tree?

the evening turned out to be great. we gathered(threw him a surprise party) to honor(?!) a friend, son, brother, comrade who will soon begin a new life.

the dip was so amazing, the alcohol relaxed, the music was great. and i actually participated in some of the party thingys.lol! and then i did, dare i say it, the unmentionable(well almost). i danced. slow danced even. sheeeeshhh, how drunk was i???

all in all the day was good. an end to a week that thrived on misery.

thank you very much TM n VM. you guys almost rock, but then u dont, u pop!!!

things happen to alter conviction

2007-10-24T20:18:00.000+03:00

201007

i got to ride in the back of an ambulance. speeding along to the hospital. i was holding her hand. talking to her all the time. the paramedic told me to keep talkin to her. and so i spoke.

she didnt recognise me as i spoke to her. she thought i was one of the paramedics. answering as many questions as i could while he was filling up the form, the ride got me feeling dizzy. my head still hurt for a few hours after the hospital trip.

i didnt smoke much that day.

my chest didnt hurt much that day.

221007

news that good certainly deserved celebration. was already planning it when the phone rang a few hours after. matter of life and death. lose one in order to save the other. by continuing, we would have lost both mother and foetus. decisions made. life continues. life ends.

we spoke of books read when we were children. as a child i found agatha christie too complicated. the same when i was growing. but edgar allan poe - havent read all his works{note to self, buy all EA Poe writings}, he was contagious. he did frighten. but not in a way conventional. more to do with deep rooted psychosis and emotions buried deep. resurfacing into fear that is individual. stephen king came much later in life as did dean r koontz. i was 8 when i really took an interest in reading(didnt have m/any friends). i think that was a good thing. i would spend as much time as i could in the school library. but the real gift was when i would walk into a bookstore. walking thru the aisles. very slowly. i didnt want to miss a book. there was home.

all those in favor, say................what????

2007-10-18T19:27:00.000+03:00

life is passin us by, passin me by. and what have i got to show for? not much. perhaps nothing. born alone to die alone, along the way we meet people. i have met some interesting people this week. some dangerous, yup there was one who actually had me feeling a tad bit unnerved. and the funny part is he wants to do these things to people with actual criminal intent. not just saying things, but with enough weight in his words. that is something i can recognise. and im rarely wrong. my good ol' spidey sense hardly ever fails me.

MH
too many visionaries? maybe not enough? what if most of us were visionaries without any revolutionary plans? there are those that inspired along the way, but how many among us are willing to work on a spark because we simply do not possess that kind of belief system or we just think we do not have the time to invest in a tireless and sleepless world. will you take that chance at walking out of your comfort zone just to follow your dream, your ideal - to make that difference or at least have a shot? and do this with nothing in hand. most people i know will never do it. fine they may talk about it and there is the all too real fear of ending up with nothing to show for. but then isnt that what life is all about. you live in monotony, do you want to die in monotony? what about going to your grave with as little 'what ifs' as possible? there are those times when we be stuck going in circles, but after passing the same stop a few times it makes it easier to just step off.

i will step off. and if i stumble so be it. yeee-haaaaaa!!

before i forget, this evening on my way to the cave, theres this 11 year old whos listening to staind. and he thinks staind is the best band in the world. they maybe good, but maybe hes a bit too young to be feelin the angst driven vocals of aron lewis.

right now tho, them donuts be tastin mighty fine and vicariously i, live while the whole world dies, you all need it too, don't lie, why can't we just admit it?

end of days

2007-10-15T13:52:00.000+03:00

holidaze, that is.

welcome break. and i hardly answered my fone. it was on silent for the most part. and so nice. and i didnt get to do what i planned, i.e. watch a lot of movies, weeeeelllllllllllllllllllllllllll..........i slept thru most of the weekend.

the temperatures have dropped quite a bit. winter, winter where for art thou?

me:excuse me but i think someones left the water running and its made its way out onto the floor
that:what sir?
me:i think someones left the water running and its made its way out onto the floor
that:what sir?
me:theres water on the floor{somewhat annoyed}
that:i'm sorry sir i don't understand what you're saying
me:look, you know water?...
that{nodding}
me:...theres a lot of it on the floor{...1...2...3...4}
that:i'm sorry sir, i cannot understand what you're saying
me:just send somebody upstairs
me{die, die, die u moron die!!!!!!}

so somebody may have slipped and broken their neck. i did my part.

suits, botox and more suits

2007-10-11T20:21:00.000+03:00

so the day starts beautifully. the weather is great. on my way to work and im thinking i shud be playin cricket instead.

i take the bus to work. i recognise a lot of faces, i try n figure how some live their lives. for a while i thought something happened to the old man, he greets all the familiars in the bus. then i saw him a few weeks ago. i think he finally quit. a person that old shudnt be workin, he shud be spending his time with his grandkids(maybe hes doin it now), but situations and circumstance, them be the big killers.

there have a been few additions to the regulars.

the MIB. sometimes they are the MIG(men in grey). and some other times they are the MIRDG(men in really dark grey). one of them, the skinny one with the spiky hair makes me look fat! and the other one is big and never smiling. hmmm, both of em are never smiling. they just walk to the stop and board the bus. then they take their seats. big guy closes his eyes, folds his arms. skinny guy looks out the window.

then theres the 3 boys with suits and their laptops. they board the bus before i do. im willin to bet - new arrivals in the country. hair so neat, shoes so shiny and damn those suits so neatly ironed. need to find where they get their suits laundered.

how can i miss the girl who pulls her hair back so tight(her eyebrows are where her hairline shud begin), i wonder how she manages to do that everyday? botox?? the route is new to her, she always counts stops before she gets off, not too familiar with the area.

i like travelling by bus. its the trip/journey.

'scuse me while I kiss the sky

2007-10-10T20:45:00.000+03:00

be very nice to the people you dont like and hey, wonder of wonders, you feel good inside. I rarely be like that and maybe i should do it more often.

just saw the simpsons movie. it didnt have its usual brand of funny, there were those moments but.... thanks to MRC n ZAM, i now have a ton of movies to watch this weekend. muahahaha

and a rare today was. i had a bit of free time. no follow ups, nothin much. maybe i woke up in another dimension. dunno. whatever it is, i had to look busy. got most of my updates done, finance issues taken care of, IT issues sorted for the moment, logistical nitemare is a bad dream for now, loss prevention doubts cleared....hmmmm.

so tired, barely slept these past few nites, but i feel good.

lately things don't seem the same,
actin' funny but I don't know why
'scuse me while I kiss the sky.

i should make peace with all, everyone i know....starting with myself. all?

I know I know I know what is inside

long weekend ahead......

2007-10-08T20:12:00.000+03:00

ramadan is just about done. which means i can kill myself in public again!!

business has been excellent.

also working on some projects outside of work. driving me crazy, but then im already there!!

and looking forward to the long weekend. plan to stay in bed most part of the day and yes watch a lot of movies. i plan to be lazee and work on future plans.

its gonna be make or break. as of now, from where i stand, i dont have much to lose, so whatever the outcome........

fight club?? club the fighters....

2007-10-05T20:20:00.000+03:00

i hate this.

stupid kids.

they had to fight in my cave. the police are here now. don't know whos fightin who. theres blood. damn. this so sucks.

I, I'm still alive

2007-10-03T20:45:00.000+03:00

im dying. i kno it. im dyin............aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhh!!!

ok so maybe im not, but it sure feels like it. hate feelin ill like this. dont really know whats wrong, didnt wanna eat me cheese burger this evening. and i luv cheese burgers. i didnt even wanna look at a donut. like i said im dyin. i guess this it, i can see the white light. maybe i shouldnt be walkin into the traffic then! ok there goes the bright light.

i want my mama!!!!!

new blog additions:

and he steps out of the shadow only to reveal the light is merely an extension of the dark - walk the edge.

serious readophile and "drifter" - the mirandian chronicles

sono affamato

2007-10-02T20:36:00.000+03:00

God good. Food good.

Yesterday went to this new italian restaurant. alforno its called. i refer to it as alporno.

got to the place(in one piece)with a kooky friend. the drive to the restaurant was hmm, er, ...... we're still alive, so thats all that matters. when one decides to cut from the second to fast lane straight to the detour which is two lanes away, i guess there is this ever so slight degree of risk involved. especially since traffic out here does not like to travel less than a 100kph on any lane. having said all of this, id still get into a car with her in the drivers seat.

she let me eat all her dessert(for that act alone she gets an A+++ in my books). also met the manager of the place. hadnt seen her in months(we work in the same company, shes in casual dining, and i work fashion). she was lookin as good as ever. still has that crazy glint in her eye. our waiter(they sure pick em young these daze) was one of the most eager and kindest people ive ever met. and he suggested right all the time. and yes yes yes! goat cheese rulz. what was the name of that salad again? and ive never seen beef sliced so thin, it looked like tracing paper - mmmmmm thinkin bout it reminds me, i need to eat something. anyways we(TR n me) were both thinkin the same thing thru most part of the meal. she was thinkin wine, i was thinkin beer. we were eating italian, so how can a meal be complete without pasta, because TR didnt finish hers i got to clean it all up. muhahahahaha!!! sheeeesssh, my mother was right. she used to refer to me as the bottomless pit.

when the lights went out, our waiter comes over and says "its a romantic setting". he didnt notice my blank stare in the dark.

look i kno im no good when it comes to describing places i visit n so forth, but this restaurant deserves a couple of trips at least. and i give it a good rating simply because i didnt get poisoned!!!

today i plan on something a little more simple. something iranian.

leave and let live

2007-09-28T20:28:00.000+03:00

sometimes one doesnt realise there are people that care.

i am constantly pushing people away and today, when i finally rolled out of bed in the afternoon, i saw all those missed call, those messages....

i need to break down that wall and not be so nihilistic, i suppose, in my approach to the rest of the world.

the faerie tale archive

2007-09-28T19:34:00.000+03:00

some years ago i decided to re-write faerie tales. according to VIM, "what really happened"

The Faerie Tale Archive

Tales rewritten, untold and general works. First written in the last quarter of the year 2000.

Little Red Riding Hood

Red was almost done with the jigsaw puzzle. "15 more pieces and I've done it" she thought to herself.

Just then her mother called out to Red. She ran downstairs to find out what her mother wanted. "Take this bluberry pie and these chocolate donuts, and deliver them to Granma. You know how she loves my blueberry pies. Now run along...." said Red's mother.

The path to Granma's house was through a beautiful forest. Red was soon on her way, basket of goodies and all. Along the way the way she came across a little wooden box. Inside the box there was a bracelet and a little book. This bracelet was nothing like she had ever seen before. She put on the bracelet and began to read the book. What Red had in her hands was a time travel device. "WOW!! I'm going to have so much fun with this later" she thought to herself.

As Red skipped merrily along , out of nowhere (actually the tree in front of her) sprang a wolf. This was a mean looking wolf (now that the pork chops were over and done with, he was hungry again). He licked his lips and moved closer to Red. She knew she would not be able to outrun the wolf, so she quickly set her new found time travel device to the past.

With a push of the button she disappeared. Red tele-transported herself to the Jurassic period. Only to appear in the path of a hungry T-Rex, which wasted no time in gobbling her up.

"Now, I have to look for something else to eat. Hmmm, there's this little old lady who lives all by herself not far from here" thought the wolf.

MORAL:If you are going to time travel, look closely at the time dial before pushing any buttons.

>>yawn<< theres got to be more to life than this

2007-09-26T19:40:00.000+03:00

its been one of those daze.

my to-do list looked good end of the day, most everything crossed out. im gettin better or maybe the world is slowin down for me???!!! ??? hehehehe, yeah right!!

had a supplier meeting. poor guy doesnt realise there will be no future orders. dude buy me an m6 and maybe, just maybe, we'll talk!! seriously tho, they cant mess about and think theyll get away wit it. aint gonna happen. damn, im now a corporate clone, a f****n corporate dealer. now that aint good. things i dont wanna be and im slowly turnin into. soon to be corporate vampire. "blood, blood, i want blood!!!"{in ur best transylvanian accent}

after gettin back from work today, i sat there staring at the beautiful(?) blank wall. kyuss playin in the back. and im swayin to some stoner, some 60s n 70s rock. hey krashers, believe you me, if u just have a listen to what i got now, u gonna trip like its the end of the world.

i have one thought that takes centre stage now and again....should i leave the land of camel jockeys and try workin in india? perhaps ill give it a shot, hmmm, do i really want to?

its funny when youre alone and look for company and dont find any and then there are those times when you want to be alone and company is plenty.

im a social butterfly......

2007-09-22T18:04:00.000+03:00

the great economic divide is something that really bothers.

poverty is not so nice now, is it?

is it?

then we have love...so blind...so twisted. which hurts more then?

paul valery "love is being stupid together"

hehehehe.

i keep receiving these er, really great emails. each letter of the alphabet means something. and instructions to boot!!!

Instructions: What you do is find out what each letter of your name means.
Then connect all the meanings and it describes YOU.

PS : If you have double or triple letters, just count the meaning once.

Descriptions:
A - You can be very quiet when you have something on your mind.
B - You are always cautious when it comes to meeting new people.
C - You definitely have a partier side in you, don't be shy to show it.
D - You have trouble trusting people.
E - You are a very exciting person.
F - Everyone loves you.
G - You have excellent ways of viewing people.
H - You are not judgmental.
I - You are always smiling and making others smile.
J - Jealously
K - You like to try new things.
L - Love is something you deeply believe in.
M - Success comes easily to you.
N - You like to work, but you always want a break.
O - You are very open-minded.
P - You are very friendly and understanding.
Q - You are a hypocrite.
R - You are a social butterfly.
S - You are very broad-minded.
T - You have an attitude, a big one.
U - You feel like you have to equal up to people's standards.
V - You have a very good physique and looks.
W - You like your privacy.
X - You never let people tell you what to do.
Y - You cause a lot of trouble.
Z - You're always fighting with someone

now think adolf hitler.

into the smoking room

2007-09-21T21:03:00.000+03:00

its the twilight zone of the company. where u meet the strange, the new, the unexpected.

ive met someone who has walked barefoot in the snow.

ive met someone who has used a blow dryer to heat up their body.

ive met someone who has pushed the police around because they could, ok fine it was under the influence.

ive met someone who has nearly decapitated the paramedics who were trying to help out.

the smoking room, its not about reducing ones lifespan.....its more than that. yeah right!!!

grapefruits and vinegar

2007-09-21T18:32:00.000+03:00

i want to write. need to. but when i look at the keyboard, its a mess. sue me i got scrambled eggs for brains. when u have to deal with 6,475,989.5 issues at the same time, there is a tendency to blow a fuse somewhere. and my blank stare isnt workin anymore. (damn! zombie tactics failing. must find something new, something effective). theyre on to me.

and because im in one of those moods again....
jump of a tall building
punch someone in the back of the head
large cheese burger with fries, onion rings, cheese cake, cookie, a donut, slice of pepperoni pizza
shoot launderer for losing another t shirt
buy more socks
love those new jeans
maybe go back "home" and work there
scream
visit new zealand
almost out of detergent
must finish 3 chapters of book im tryin to write
did i send out the documents???
JC (and its not the Big J) told you, listen to the rod, told u good things would happen
a higher wall
havent been to the avenues in a while
scream
chopa jo = chopa joler
she is so hot but i see her just once a week,hmmm
must grunt more
start readin books again
grateful for dinner
need to get me one of those
mutate
scream
CD thinks im like homer simpson
cohesive
growl
stupid white wall
muanki girls baby talk is the highlight of the week
ache
numb
lynyrd skynyrd
jerry cantrell
the red
"i've been changin' but you'll never see me now"
"its hard to keep from fallin out"
kyuss
yucca
monster
nightmare
void
no slog shots
"i'll be back"
i miss holdin hands
damned trains
damned accident
"everybodys goin to the party have a real good time"

the dream weeper

2007-09-13T23:22:00.001+03:00

on my way back from work, when the all too familiar message tone sounds off.

im reading and then i wonder why?
is this all a sign?? hm. hahaha??

we live, we die. lately, ive been receiving way too many messages. cardiac arrest, cancer, car accidents....im losing all my old friends. one by one. and then there were none.

and so when my chest hurts, i wonder if i should kick my nicotine habit. but then who wants to live forever? who wants to live?

as i punch this out, im listening to simple lies. there are a few lines in the song that make sense absolute.......

in death and in distance and time
you walked into my life made that quintessential change
you taught me, you accepted me for all that i was
all that i am
i am eternally grateful, i think of the times spent together
i will not get those times back, memories so distant
some beginning to fade, some so sharp and clear
i smile a wry smile, time the healer is also time the distorter
you left,
some sudden, some with warning
i understood one thing, they get taken away
they get taken away those you get close to

the week has been tumble dryer. ramadan starts today and working hours are shorter. which means more sleep.

peace out.

extended monotony

2007-09-08T17:20:00.000+03:00

bite me!!(and yes, im still angry)

time:does it matter?

she"long time no see, where have you been?"
me"right here, just work"{can i be anywhere else}
she"are you avoiding me?"
me"no no why do say that?"{like the plague}
she"no messages, no calls, no emails....how's the blog?"
me"like i said, work. the blog's good"
she"when you planning to travel again?"
me"dunno"{like id tell u}
me"if u pay for my ticket n hotel stay....."
she"ha ha, ur so funny"
me"really now?"
she"what?"
me"are u goin to pay for my ticket....?"
she"ur serious??!!!??"
me"what do u think?"
she"im hoping ur not"
me"what, serious?"[i still havent smiled]
she"ur serious!!!"{shocked}
me"hardy har har, gotcha!!!"{damn there goes my ticket}
she"ha..ha"[kind of nervous laff]
she"u still go to DDs?"
me"there's no other place that'll have me"
she"hey why dont we go out sometime?"
me"really?u wanna go out with me?"{are u nuts???}
me"why??"
she"what do u mean why?"
me"i mean why?"
she"well if u dont want to...."
me{i dont want to}{why me?}
she"u dont want to!!!!!"
me"no its not that, its work"
she"dont use work as an excuse, u DO NOT work 24-7"
me"yeah i dont, but i get back kinda late, and im fried by that time"
she"excuses excuses"
me"er, yeah"
she[wide eyes]"ur an idiot!!"
me"yeah i am"
she[mouth open staring]
me"u gonna stand like that forever? look im an idiot who's fried after all that work. sue me"[irritated tone]
she"why do u talk that way to people?"
me"what are u talkin about? i only talk that way to u"
she[eyes so wide]
she"ur so rude"
me"that i am"
she"why do i even bother?"
me"yeah i wonder the same thing too"
she"guess i shudnt be talkin to u then?"
me"u guess?"
she"i cant believe the things ur saying"
me"whats hard to believe? u just heard it didnt u? u were standing right here when this conversation took place riiiigght?"
she"u r horrible"
me[sighing]"yes that too"
she"why do u do such things? why do u say such things?"
me"u ask stupid questions"
she"it's no wonder ur still single"
me{ahhh finally a comeback}
me"im single bcoz of people like u"
she"what do u mean by that?"[shes like really ticked off now]
me"actually nothing, i was bored and i just wanted some excitement. thank u very much."
she"is this a game to u?"
me"not a game, just wanted some excitement in this mundane existence"
she"ur not strange, ur just f***** weird"
me"not really. now if ur done....."
she"dont ever speak to me again"
me"if u insist"{like it matters, i didnt want to speak in the first place}

im such a charmer!!!

don't look at me like i am a monster.....or am i?

2007-09-07T15:34:00.000+03:00

the weathers easin off.

the tremors felt over three weeks ago aint back with a bang (much to my disappointment)

the near car crash hasnt changed anything

ted goin on holiday didnt ease the pressure

and im pretty pissed off

Don't look at me like
I am a monster
Frown out your one face
But with the other
Stare like a junkie
Into the TV
Stare like a zombie
While the mother
Holds her child
Watches him die
Hands to the sky crying
Why, oh why?
'cause I need to watch things die
From a distance

Vicariously I, live while the whole world dies
You all need it too, don't lie

Why can't we just admit it?
Why can't we just admit it?

rules to live by.....

2007-08-30T21:14:00.000+03:00

scott, dude u rock!!! thanks!!

this site is a must see. ive linked it too. been terrible the past couple of weeks but this guy made me laff so much and the patrons of my cave looked at me laffin away. my sides hurt and i had tears in my eyes.

www.basicinstructions.net

rowe left for the americas early this week. lucky her!! its freezing there.

and FINALLY ive seen something in 3D. ok so it was a documentary. and most likely i might have picked up left over germs from the glasses, which were worn by someone before me. someone who may not have showered for days. someone with skin shredding bacterial infestations. i felt sorry for the lion who lost his pride. he got mauled pretty good even. and i ran out of popcorn.

work was great today. there was a power failure for a few hrs. when it came back on, we had no network. servers were down. then we left for the store. shopped a bit. and i got nice casuals. unfortunately i left them in VIMs car. will collect them tomorrow. also got to hit on somebody while at the store. hehehehe!!

not really interested tho, just did it cuz she was there and i was there and well simply bcoz i could.

last week i went into the head honchos office(i was banned from entering his office for a long time on account that i nearly gave him a heart attack).(er, really). discussed an issue and i left as usual(which is walking backward out thru the door)
the ted: rod, come here
me - took two steps
the ted: closer
me - two more steps
the ted: closer
me - at his table now
the ted: im not a king u know, u can turn ur back on me and walk out
me: u might shoot me in the back
the ted: get out

flashlight reveries caught in the headlights of a truck

2007-08-23T19:44:00.000+03:00

zombie rules:

1) you need to be brain dead (there already)

2) you need to be brain dead (there already)

3) you need to be brain dead (there already)

4) you need to single minded, see point 1

early this week i heard one. kinda old but then....

there were three people who went to the zoo. an american, an englishman and a kuwaiti. they walk around looking at the animals. until they reach the enclosure for reptiles.

the three walk in and look down a pit.
the american "an alligator!!!"
the englishman "no, that's a crocodile"
the kuwaiti " you're both wrong, that's a lacoste"

hey rmt, im laffin on the inside. told ya. credit goes to u for lacoste!!!

Do we, do we know
When we fly
When we, when we go
Do we die

stupid stupid stupid.......

2007-08-16T19:47:00.000+03:00

sometimes, just sometimes why can't the universe conspire with me instead of conspiring against?

the end beckons

2007-08-03T12:37:00.000+03:00

veni, vedi, what was that third word now?

one things for sure, with the temp hittin 51+ degrees C for most part of the week(54 on fri or was it sat?)....hmmm, i forget what i was gonna punch out, but does it matter?

with news of two former classmates meetin their maker, cant help but wonder whos next?

ok so i dont shave as often as i shud, why dont u ask the girl who sits by the window the same question?

the last 4 weeks have been killer.

i need a drink.

When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, "Why God? Why me?" and the thundering voice of God answered, "There's just something about you that pisses me off."

...clock ticks life away....

2007-07-20T13:22:00.000+03:00

hmmm

the weeks just about done.

lets see now, it began with me goin to work on a sat (which is a day off)

sunday was tiresome as usual. sundays are the worst cuz its all bout the reports. sunday also saw me stayin back to try n finish all that was pilin up. no success there.

monday was. there was a little incident in the smokin room. u see, i went there for a smoke. and as usual i was mindin my own business. anyways there was a company mate already there. i grunted to acknowledge her presence. a few seconds later i was asked the question of death. this a question that has no safe answer, none what so ever. and there is no man alive on the planet who can prove me wrong. all the others have died tryin to answer the question.
shes asks me "do i look fat?"
my mind was racing, talk bout the devil n the deep blue. those few agonising seconds were eternity. heard somebody walkin to the smokin room .{saved i am} i thought. it was another female. then female no. 1 turns to her and says "he said im fat" and they both look at me with that look. any guy who has been in a situation like this knows what the look is. no explanations needed here. and all the while i didnt even say a thing. i quickly put out my cigarette and ran. yes yes i am a coward. well id rather be a coward alive than a brave one dead.

sometime later im at the smokin room again. and shes there, again. this time shes talkin to one of the guys from debs. theyre talkin bout height. so he asks me how tall i am and i answer. he then leaves me alone with her. and shes talkin all the time. i havent said a word to her yet. two guys from another brand enter and she says to them "he's makin fun of me cuz im short". i didnt say a thing. woe is me and better still why me?

later that evening went to one of my favs places in q8, and believe u me q8 does not have much to offer. al jarir bookstore. they have it all there. and then the bday wishes started comin in. makin me realise it was gettin late and i had to work next day.

heppy budday me. prove it! is it?
im late to work. well early cuz im in before 8 but late by my standards. i always head to the printer first then to my seat. and then they start in automated sequentiality. i stood there. didnt kno what to say or do. then zam goes" awwww, he's embarrased!!" {and i was} "c'mon say thank you".
and i thanked each and everyone. if i was paid a dinar for every thank you that day......
a few moments later, zam calls us the cbu into the sample room. i thought she was goin to officially announce sb's resignation. she did and then they handed me stuff. cool stuff. the best thing i got were socks. yes yes, sounds strange but a man cant enuff underwear and socks. wow. really. i really never expected any of this. now this was a surprise. a real surprise. and once again i had nothin to say. i just didnt kno what to say. u see, i more used to givin than receivin, and if that happens i dont how to react. then my dear crew did something really nice and weird. they got me lunch. socks n stuff n food. what more cud a guy ask for? well a lot, but this was nice. nice. i work with a strange crew. no question. and its all our individual electro-eccentricities that create the somewhat twisted dynamic that only our crew has in the entire company. thank God for that. the company wudnt be able to handle more than one bunch of nutters.

i just wondered why mom didnt call. ahhh, but she did. she waited until it was a certain time. u see, she called at the hour i was born. that rocked totally. we spoke a long time. she finally asks "how do u want me to pack ur cds?" lol. mom n me usually have one way of talkin and that is - grrr, snarl, snap, grrr. but shes my mom and thats how we talk. lol. hmm, im willin to bet if she knew somebody was comin to q8 just before the day she wud have baked a cake. yeah u have to taste her choco cake.

thank you all for the calls, txts, emails. really, i didnt kno i had so many friends who remembered the day the of the damned. my heppy budday.

the day ended with alcohol runnin thru my veins. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. nice.

there are bits n pieces i cant cant recall right now that made the day slightly off-centered.

"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream."

whatsinaname?

2007-07-12T18:35:00.000+03:00

when we are born our parents deem it necessary to label us, so as not be confused with the cd player or family car.

we grow up learnin to respond to that label/handle. our mark of identity. we tend to remain unique. until we get to school, only to find that our label/handle/moniker might not be unique after all. (i was lucky, i suppose, all thru school and college nobody shared my name. so i guess that made me unique!!) then things begin to get a little bit nasty. when kids add to ur existing label/handle/moniker/sign-in. unfortunately its hardly anything nice. who wud want to go thru his/her school life known as jabba the hutt or a demonised plaything from the nether regions.whats scary is if one starts to believe in the new label/handle/moniker/sign-in/tag. whats worse is if one day u suddenly realise the kids called u jabba the hutt, cuz u resembled a giant slug.

high school brings with it its own set of traumatic endorsements. so now jabba the hutt cant even get a date cuz the guys/girls think of consequence. now really, wud u want jabbas tongue in ur mouth???!!!

well finally one day u get a job. and eventually turn into a zombie. but by this time it doesnt matter what anybody calls u cuz ur brain dead anyways. then u decide to marry.(hey jabba didnt just magically appear, he had parents too, u kno) ur husband/wife calls u darlin and honey and sweets and..... 11 years, 2 kids, another mortgage, a mistress/secret lover, 3rd car later - begins to call u by ur real label/handle/moniker/sign-in/tag/title which is.....(wrong) ur now jabba for life. even ur kids call u jabba. the neighbors dog with the doggie urinary infection pees on u. even the old lady down the street spits on u cuz she thinks ur hell's reject.

so whats in a name? ur identity. u.

fishing upon a star....

2007-07-05T18:14:00.000+03:00

i.r.a. is back!!

still crazy as ever. he missed being blown to smithereens. and all he did was go out for a ciggie!

i work with a strange bunch of people. the crew has incorporated a new member. dangerous even she is. she is known as taps aka tappu aka ila aka...... it goes on. sometimes names are changed to protect the innocent, sometime names are changed becoz interpols after you. take ur pick. last week taps got a lil fish in a bowl. happy she was. she went home and put the bowl on the piano. next mornin, flipper is dead. fishy heaven. flipper obviously thought it was a bird and jumped out the bowl. my guess is when it hit the ground, it realised that it wasnt.

which brings me to my other fish tale. SP has a fish that would swim around lazily. well, early this week, she spent a few days at a friends place. only goin back home to feed nemo. one time she decided to add a little more food than usual. two days later....she went back home to find nemo......not quite dead, but not really alive. he was kinda floating and strugglin to breath(give it some laxative says VIM). my guess here is too much food and nemo couldnt breathe. the particles musta choked his tiny little gills. the laxative would ensure that nemo would be in a lot of shit. back to the start of this tale. SP has a fish that floats around lazily.

lay these gentlemen

2007-07-04T20:41:00.000+03:00

ladies n gentlemen, i give you................
"

"

teachers rule!!

2007-06-30T16:07:00.000+03:00

betcha DDs missed me yesterday.

met Sister Carmen Mary yesterday. i was kinda nervous. 25 years have passed since she taught me, fourth grader. sheeesshh. she looked so different, i mean i guess i never really expected her to grow old, everyone does. and she looked so frail. and she was the one who kept pullin me ears!!!

when we (my relatives n me) got there, she was attending to someone, and i was thinking "maybe it wasnt a good idea, maybe i shud leave, maybe this, maybe that...". like i mentioned a few posts back, im not the kind to get nervous, but this.....

the evening was very pleasant.

later on we went to hardees, i been hankerin for a tex-mex meal for a while now and i finally got it. burp!!

bye bye mrs scholes

2007-06-29T17:40:00.000+03:00

tried to post this on the 25th, but the blog gremlins made sure it wasnt to be.

i am very slightly anti-social. ok, maybe a bit more than that. so when invite came in, i was apprehensive.

did think about it for a while. she is a good friend and heck!! and there i was. pool party. food(which i didnt have much of). then there was the vodka/malibu punch. now that rocked. not forgetting the south african n uk wine collaboration.

when we got there, we were greeted by the aroma of bbq. mmmmmmmm. parked ourselves on the edge of the roof. the pool is on top of the building. the breeze picked up and began blowing the smoke in our direction. tad bit uncomfortable. we looked at the pool. which was filled with a menagerie of inflatables. there

was jaws, nessie, something from 20000 leagues under the sea, a floating castle and some other creatures. u kno, there were more creatures than pool.

been a while since i got buzzed(just the once after i got to india) like that. and becoz i wasnt swimmin(for those not in the kno, im a pretty good drowner) i was duly elected camera guy. i warned them but nobody listened. got people doing their goodbye bit for G. also almost got hit by a man-made tusnami(thats exactly how i pronounce it) this becoz the whole bunch of nutters decided to jump in to pool all at once. i got it all on camera. the pool games, some butt and, as i was told the next day, a whole lot of cleavage. hmmm, honestly i dont remember doin anything of the sort. hey in my defence it was a pool party and they were in bikinis, so i guess, er, um, there had to be a little bit of cleavage right? hopefully i will get to see all my handiwork in a few days time when i get a me a copy. over and above, i was told that the vid was hilarious. so there! one of my fav bits was when G n me were singing, ok screaming, out an oasis tune. we were right in front of the speakers tryin to drown them out with our melodic vocal strains.

soem time into the evening, felt like i cud put out a fire on the first floor. so dear EM gives me the keys to his place. unfortunately for me, i went to the wrong place. i wonder if i scared the people livin there by tryin to force their door down. look people a full bladder will make u do thing, it gives u superhuman strength. hey it had the same #. then i go back up and take the other elevator to finally make to EMs place. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!! look ma i can jump.

well G left. we got her something really nice from tiffanys. a jewelled pendant thingy and a beer mug(yes from tiffanys). it was awfully quite after she left. guess we all miss her zany presence.

the week at work was killer. every shipment in the last two weeks have had documentation issues. each and every one. why does this always happen only to us?

heres some thought for food courtesy krashers:

why God created women
actually in the beginning
He created a vagina
the He wanted the vagina to move around
so God created woman

oh and btw the post is censored, for an unabridged version please get in touch wit me directly.

give

2007-06-22T14:54:00.000+03:00

www.give.org

"Qu'ils mangent de la brioche"

2007-06-21T20:11:00.000+03:00

was gonna blog of the heat and the psycho dude run-in at the signal. but ive just got an old friend on orkut(still cant believe i started, was always against it). anyways reminded me of the time when we were hungry and it was "let them eat cake!"

{trippin on audioslave - ur time has come, geez morello u rock!!!}

it was the early 90s, when i was still kinda young. every sat after classes we wud go straight to church (i was kinda good then, the horns still quite make their appearance). one saturday, we decided not to attend service. tired n hungry, we made our way to the Don Bosco kitchen. mmm chai!! hot even!!(sounds goldilocksy here) the chai was amazing. slightly refreshed we sat and chatted. waited for mass to finish and made our way home.

the following saturday, we decided to cut service again and made our way up to the fathers' refectory. now these guys kno how to eat. so the bananas, biscuits, bread and a whole jar of jam disappeared. we snuck out.

the weekend after the biscuit caper, we got hungrier. whats that? "GULA" you say, perhaps.

we got bolder. this time after sneaking into the fathers refectory we found cake. it was a thank you cake. oooooooo!! hunger can do such things to ones mind. we looked at the cake, we looked in the refrigerator. we looked back at the cake. we looked on the counter. we looked back at the cake. the cake beckoned so. we were young and impressionable and hungry. so we did what any self respecting hungry person would do, we took the cake.

as we were lifting the box, the gurkha(his name:ganesh) found us. he wanted to shine in the eyes of father(crap i forget his name). we walked with ganubhai and i still had the box in hand. he didnt notice it. my mad friend aka madman3 tried talkin to ganubhai. i attempted to blend with the shadows(successful attempt at that). and made my way to a low point in the barrier wall. i jumped, cake n all. madman3 found me later, he was laffin. he made his great escape by talkin his way out. we go back to my building to find only two of the fellas there. so one cake into 4 huge pieces.

good God our stomachs hurt like heck the next day.

tagged and now in a museum for the spartans

2007-06-15T12:35:00.000+03:00

10 weird things
8 facts

what do you guys not kno already?

FACTS

1) cant use chopsticks (tried n tested)

2) can smoke 3 packs a day (its gone up further and im tryin to quit)

3) can outstare most people (heck ive outstared everybody whos tried)

4) the whole donut thing - jelly filled even. one bite

5) can live on only pepsi, ciggies, coffee and water for days on end

6) can walk around 45kms in 11 hrs or so

7) can lower heart rate to around 40 bpm from 90 bpm in a minute

8) i am insane (so ive been told)

WEIRD THINGS(im not weird, the world is, im just outnumbered)

1) can actually fall asleep with eyes open (done that a few times)

2) have trouble sayin ralph lauren (gotta say it real slow to get it right)

3) will have chocolate cake with almost anything ( rice n choco cake, fries n choco cake, burgers n choco cake, pasta n choco cake....)

4) will get nervous just before leaving for anywhere, but not in meetings, on planes

5) will wear a suit to a pub becoz i feel like it

6) calling up cousin to find out if i have any weird points

7) that i have so many black shirts (which btw i think is normal, it helps. no time wasted on deciding what to wear, again im told this is strange)

8) can sleep almost right away even after a cup of strong coffee

9) can fall asleep with loud music playing, but will wake up if my fone buzzes thru the loud music

10) im not insane (so i keep telling myself)

for those who havent seen them yet here they are -

ive been tagged. in more than one way, lol.

mindspace....the final frontier??

2007-06-11T20:16:00.000+03:00

day 2.

is there a way to magically pay your rent, buy lunch, buy clothes....all this without goin to work?

maybe there is, maybe there isnt.

saw a movie last night. being at crossroads so often in life, i can fully understand the lead charactersalmost dual nature. it was a world of fantasy, but then there is truth to imagination. it does spring from some influence, an experience and the minds ability to explore and at times distort.

mindfields are so rich in what they have to offer, what they have lurking in the shadows, what they are capable of.

looking forward to dinner.

the things i do...

2007-06-09T19:49:00.000+03:00

and now theres a chat box!!!!!! ----->>>>
hehehehe!!!
i dont have a life, lol!

48 degrees and counting

2007-06-08T21:01:00.000+03:00

back in kuwait.

ho hum. im so excited. ho hum.

met my realtives, met a good friend, then went to another friends place late in the night so we could ring in his birthday.

went to a party this afternoon. hmm, i need to learn to socialise some more.

somebody actually asked me if the tattoo was painted on. all he got was a stare. and for the record i tried to smile.

back in DDs, did i miss the donuts or what???

since im orkuting, see how it turns out and if i locate long lost people.

return to monotony

2007-06-07T00:09:00.000+03:00

flyin back in a few hours. trip was good. met a lot of people, didnt meet 'em all. was a long n hot n humid day. exhausted.

betcha theres gonna be some character with a lot of stupid questions sittin just beside me. usually get those. lol. character magnet, sheeeesh!

see u whenever, india.

signin out

"home"

2007-06-04T06:25:00.000+03:00

well the timers out, cuz d-day arrived and thats that.

250507 11.59pm

jazeera has been impressive so far. after all the horror stories i had heard....it was one of the air stewards' bday - damn no cake!! sittin right up front. got my leg room space. wished them plane fliers didnt shut the door. cud have had their view.

since i have the leg room, i also have super ample lappie room which means i am punchin this out as we fly in total black.

navigation in the dark, who da thunk it when the wright bros got the first man made wings off the ground albeit twas a fluke(sorry icarus, urs melted and that was that). it shoudnt have taken off, the construction was all wrong - history 101. if that day wasnt windy, would they have continued? their dream was almost at its end at the time.

280507 6.30pm

"do u want an anesthetic?"
"yeah, maybe, yeah just to be safe"
"i'll do just a bit and if it hurts, i'll give u a local"

it didnt hurt as much as i anticipated. people say it hurts like heck. it was actually a "stinging buzz". the outlining stung at some points. the inking process felt like it was pulling at nerve endings at times.

it is whole and incomplete. perhaps before i leave i will finish it. yup, thats what i'll do. anyways after it was done the whole area was a stinging itch.

do i have a high threshold for pain?(id like to think so) still it actually felt good. hmmm, im thinking i need more. lol.

my first tattoo.

now, there is no turning back!!

got some more to do before i post pix.

020607

it is hot and humid.

the rains finally made their way to bombay. the temperature has eased off somewhat. i met my cousin a couple days back. after 7.5 years. made me think of when we were kids and whenever i was on vacation in india, we would play "mechanic". that meant we were armed with hammers and screwdrivers. then we would pull out all his toy cars and beat it all into blocks of tiny steel. now, we just spoke and had a few frosty ones. worked on his lappie. exchanged software and then parted ways.
"see you whenever dude, keep in touch for real this time"

got on the train around 12.30. two stops later this guy walks in. and believe u me when i say this was one of the scariest people ive ever seen. i wanted to take a pic, but what if he caught me and used his claws(i bet they were there, hiding under his over sized shirt sleeves). u kno when u see something gruesome u dont want to look but u cant turn away either...anyways it would be impolite to stare, i couldnt tell which way he was looking. those eyes were pointing in all directions, talk about dahisar-poisar. and then i was kinda saved. my friend called. sometimes cell fones are the best things around. she helped thru the monster-in-my-face ordeal, talking me all the way thru till i got home. u kno, it is quite possible, that cro-magnon survived and is living in india. hasnt evolved much from the looks of it.

it was also a full moon last night, my not shaving bit only added to my misery. my dreams of lycantropy remained unfulfilled again. i howled all the same, a soft mournful howl.

wowsers, the winds just picked up. and the sky has turned all dark. here comes the rain! yee-haw.

030607 9.30pm

moms bday today.

met with an old friend. this woman is like, umm, how do i put this? TOTALLY PSYCHO!!!! lol
her lil one is one crazy kid, unfortunately he was recovering from an illness, he kinda had this bob marley look about him thanks to all the medication. he showed me a lot of his book collection(btw, he's 2 years near abouts). son when u grow a lil older, tell ur mama u need inspiration, namely me. u got potential kid.
i feel so sorry for her husband, really N, my sympathy and condolences. hehehehe!! hey M, gotcha!!
u kno they cud actually open a bookshop. seriously. i have seen books and i have seen books, but these guys got something almost surreal goin here. hey, M, gimme a bit of time i'll help expand that wall, u guys will eventually need another place for ur books.
and thank you very much for the grub and other things, for a stupid kid(well she is a kid, cuz im like this really old man n stuff, [koff koff, haruummmppph!!])well spoken and u guys r right. thank u very much. keep on rockin. regards to K.

chetz, ur folks rock!! u r one blessed son. er, are they willin to adopt?

hey sam, i hope the best for you and i hope this works out for u. and i mean that from the bottom of my arse, whooopsie doo, meant heart there. hehehehe!!

krashers and capn jp, we spoke. u kno what was stated is fact. now as the new title says take the leap. nike. sorry bout the aerosmith thingy, really wanted to be there, there will always be a better next time. thanx for the crazy call, we were listening, lol. i kid u not.

RL, u deserve what u deserve n nothin can take that away from u. that dream will be urs......very soon. u will call and tell me that.

mrs. M, u kno how to fill an empty stomach!!!!!

8%v/v.

040607

finally get to post all of this. ooooooooooooooooooo!!!! next week same time will be at work. crapasaurus.

tickity tock tickity tock...

2007-05-22T21:56:00.001+03:00

look to the right folks...